Difficulties in a Japanese Translation of "Further in Summer than the Birds"

"Further in Summer than the Birds": Japanese, Finnish

Further in Summer than the BirdsPathetic from the GrassA minor Nation celebratesIt's unobtrusive Mass.

No Ordinance be seenSo gradual the GraceA pensive Custom it becomesEnhancing Loneliness.

Antiquest felt at NoonWhen August burning lowArise this spectral CanticleRepose to typify

Remit as yet no GraceNo Furrow on the GlowYet a Druidic DifferenceEnhances Nature now

(P1068)

tori yorimo natsu ni fukaku	Further in Summer than the Birds
chiisana monotachi ga kusamura no fukami kara	Pathetic from the Grass
hissorito setsunage ni	A minor Nation celebrates
mure no misa o agete iru	It's unobtrusive Mass.
nan no gishiki mo mienai	No Ordinance be seen
onchoo mo totemo yukkuri	So gradual the Grace
sore wa monosamishii narai to natte	A pensive Custom it becomes
kodoku ga tsunoru	Enhancing Loneliness.
mahiru ni mo inishie ni sekiryoo ga tsunoru	Antiquest felt at Noon
hachigatsu ga hikuku moeru koro	When August burning low
kono maboroshi no seika ga wakiagari	Arise this spectral Canticle
kyuusoku o yokoku suru	Repose to typify
mada onchoo mo todokanai	Remit as yet no Grace
yookoo ni mo kageri ga nai ga	No Furrow on the Glow
ima Doruido-kyoo teki chigai ga	Yet a Druidic Difference
shizen o takamete iru	Enhances Nature now

In Japan, we can read this poem in translations by ten different Dickinson scholars. The first translation was by Mr. Motoji Karita in 1955.

We Japanese are very much interested in the turning of the seasons, and we make much of vagueness in expressing ourselves. So, even though Dickinson does not write the name of the insect, it is rather easy to guess the name. Crickets' sounds, which every summer in Kyoto, where I live, I can first hear around August 25, are one of the most common autumn sounds in Japan. We are deeply impressed with the beautiful songs, which go straight to our heart and make us nostalgic.

Difficulties and Solutions

1. Humor

There are many exaggerated nouns and adjectives which are unusual expressions to use about crickets. Crickets' sounds are rather low, and the number is not so many at the beginning of the season. Such an innocent sound of crickets is "Pathetic" and "celebrates / It's unobtrusive Mass." These expressions can be called a kind of humor, like English humor, which is a little bit humorous and a little bit sad at the same time. But we feel that crickets' calls are more melancholic than humorous.

2. Religious words

There are unfamiliar religious words connected to the crickets' sounds. But in Japan, only about one percent of the population is Christian. So the metaphors concerning Christianity are very hard to understand. And the religious words, "Mass" in a Catholic church, for example, generally sound very serious and mysterious, not humorous.

Dickinson does not necessarily need to use the Catholic words as a metaphor, but the word "Mass" happens to occur to her as a rhyme with "Grass." She dares to use these expressions to make a humorous atmosphere in this poem. After such humorous strategy and the subjunctive mood which shows uncertainty in the second, third, and fourth stanzas, the last two lines in the last stanza are strongly and confidently defined. But we are sorry that we cannot notice her humorous strategy easily.

Dickinson compares crickets' sounds to "celebrates . . . Mass." In the Catholic church, the mass, in Dickinson's days, was in Latin. The crickets' sounds coming from the grass sound like the murmur of a Latin mass. This metaphor is amusing and a little bit ironic, I think. But it is impossible to communicate the effect of the feeling in the Japanese translation without explaining the religious knowledge in a note.

Dickinson uses the word, "Canticle." Canticle is used in the Catholic and Anglican churches. A canticle goes straight to your heart when you become familiar with it, although the words are rather short and the melody is simple. So a...