Shirburnian Catastrophe, The

Act One

5 Act One Scene One Midday A palatial portico GEN. OKATA OFUJI, in a decorated ceremonial uniform complete with a holstered sword, is set to take an oath before KING LIMA III who is on his feet. The King is in a cowry headband, beads, an ethnic batik cloth and sandals. Between the King and the general are copies of the Holy Bible and Al Koran on an ornamental table. Behind the King is a grandiose armchair on whose backrest is the skin of a leopard. Seated in a row to the King’s right are four robed and wigged Supreme Court Judges, to his left, standing, are PM GAMATO and OLOWOLAGBA, the dwarf, both in executive suits. On a reed mat in a corner is QUEEN MOTHER JIRIMITA, in lavish attire, and CHUCHU, a very old royal diviner. Bagpipe music is playing off-stage. The general touches the Holy Bible and Al Koran, salutes and brings the hand to rest on his chest. OLOWOLAGBA steps forward and holds up a printed oath on a clipboard for the general to read. GEN. OFUJI (Reading) This day the third of September, I, Gen. Okata Ofuji, Commander-General of the Royal Defence Forces of Ngoloi, soberly, solemnly and within all my faculties, hereby swear my total allegiance to His Majesty King Lima III. Sir, I pledge to secure the King and the sacred Lima dynasty expeditiously, and to defend the territorial integrity and sovereignty of this your kingdom. Throughout my tenure as the 6 Commander-General, and beyond, I shall be bound by the Royal Act, the Military Act and the Official Secrets Act whose breaching may be punishable by death. So help me God. OLOWOLAGBA lowers the clipboard and retreats. The general salutes again and shakes hands with the King across the table. The King’s mother, rising, shrieks in continuous ululation and dances jubilantly on the mat, but CHUCHU remains seated, tacit. The judges rise, bow in unison and remain thus. Enter the ROYAL POET, holding a knobkerrie in his right hand and in his left a skin-shield and a spear. He raises the knobkerrie, a cue that halts the ululation, and launches into a performance. ROYAL POET (Reciting as he performs) Though I always say I am inferior clay, Get ready to behold an invincible ray. This glorious red-ochre day, Young and old, near and yonder, lend ear. Of gamma and infra-red aim we hear. But darkness utter, he shattered! The QUEEN MOTHER ululates, but briefly this time. O, scatter, detractors, scatter! Viva the bearer of the sacred spear! Shiver at the voracious adder! What is his eye but ancestral radar? Outside, a whistle blows and a militaristic voice bellows an order. 7 MALE VOICE (OFF-STAGE) Twenty-one gun salute! Gunners one to seven! Ready! (Pauses) Fire!!! A singular, massive, thunderous gunfire sounds off-stage and smoke bellows into the portico from one side. MALE VOICE (OFF-STAGE) Gunners eight to fourteen! Ready! (Pauses) Fire!!! A second gunfire roars off-stage followed by another offering of smoky plumes, which causes some judges and the Prime Minister to cough. MALE VOICE (OFF-STAGE) Gunners fifteen to twenty-one! Ready! (Pauses) Fire!!! The gunfire roars off-stage for the third time, accompanied by the plumes. ROYAL POET (Resumes performing) Black mamba, bear the kingdom yonder. Giant in tradition and wisdom, Doom detractors, African panda. This sacred red-ochre day, The Reed Dance honours you with a maiden, To conduit your sacred seed into the Lion’s den. (Bows repeatedly towards the King) Off-stage, the music’s tempo and volume increase. The QUEEN MOTHER resumes ululating as MIMUDEH HASA, mace-bearing 8 in a fluffy, red, towering conical headgear strapped under her chin, leads a twelve-member multi-racial school band, all in black bonnets, playing the Scottish music. The drum major conducts the elegantly-dressed band onto the portico, and performs with childish resignation as flutes, drums and percussion mingle harmoniously. Curtain 9 Scene Two Afternoon of same day A cubicle in an ice-cream parlour [Act 1] MIMUDEH, still in her bagpipe drum-major’s uniform, and ARCHER McLEOD, in swanky wear, a digital camera lolling around his neck, are enjoying ice-cream at a table by a window. The schoolgirl’s mace and red headgear are on the table. Voices of other teenage patrons in the same building can be heard laughing...