The Bed Book of Short Stories

Lie Still Heart: Scenes from a Girlhood Devoured

92 Lie Still Heart: Scenes from a Girlhood Devoured Gothataone Moeng It was the floor. It was the coldness of the floor that jarred her into remembering. Not Leano’s hands that tentatively squeezed her behind, nor his breath that came raggedly at her ear. It was the coldness of the untiled, cement floor that sent Realeboga right back to the years of her childhood. The years when she used to hide out under her bed, staring up at the bedsprings and at the lumpy mattress that sagged on top of them. Lying in silence, holding her breath and wishing that her heart would stop beating so loudly. At first she had thought it was okay. Nobody protested when the man visited their home. In fact Mama and Aunt Phetso and the other kids seemed to love him. He brought so much cheer. Everybody laughed and smiled, their eyes soft, when the man called her ‘mogatsaka’ and lightly tapped her buttocks, and declared that she was as well endowed as a Mongwato queen. The man had an ingratiating manner, always smiling. He wore black shiny trousers to match his black, shiny shoes, a beige cap and a clean and pressed golf shirt tucked precisely into his trousers. They cheered when he picked her out from among all the other kids and asked her to dance. They sang and clapped their hands, and somebody beat out a drumbeat on a nearby upside-down oil drum. ‘Stibiiiii stibi ko-ko! Ee, koko!’ Unashamedly, she clicked her fingers rhythmically and moving her head from side to side, with her skirts tucked into her panties as if she had been playing batho-safe. And as the intricate movements of her feet came to a stop, he dug out a few toffees from the bottom of his pocket 93 and pressed them into her open hand, deliberately probing his thumb into the softness of her palm. This was their special little ritual, and she adored him. She loved his dark face so full of even white teeth that sparkled. She loved his luxuriant beard. But this day it changed. The man took her aside. ‘Do you want to see something special?’ The man asked, and she nodded, already opening the toffees he had given her, starting to chew one. Then he dug into his bulging pocket, pulling out a silvery chain with a small heart sparkling on it. Her eyes shone. They walked together. Her hand in his, smiling up at him because she loved him so. He took her to the back, next to the smelly pit latrine where nobody hid even in the most competitive game of hide-and-seek. He unzipped his trousers, which dropped to rest around his ankles, exposing his bony legs. He pulled out his peeing thing, all soft and black and ugly. His eyes shining, he whispered hoarsely, ‘Touch it!’ She looked up at him, in turn revolted and confused. ‘Touch it! Touch it!’ He whispered with urgency and she reached out a shaking hand and settled her fingers there, unsure about what to do. ‘Again!’ She touched it again and again, her heart beating so fast. He grabbed her hand and spat in it and slid her closed hand up and down his thing and it became hard, like wood. His eyes were closed; he didn’t seem to care about the putrid smell and the flies buzzing round them and the cockroaches crawling on the seat. The man hitched up the skirt of her little yellow dress, yanked down the bewildered child’s panties and shoved himself inside her little body. Just like that. The pain split her into pieces. He held his hand over her mouth. She could not catch her breath. He was sweating. He wiped his sweaty hands on his trousers, and dug deep in his pockets to bring out more toffees. And he placed the toffees in her cupped hands, pressing his thumb into the softness of her palms. ‘Don’t tell anybody. Don’t tell anybody about our special secret.’ She could not unwrap her toffees because she had touched his sticky thing with her hands, so she threw them down the pit latrine. She wiped away the blood that was running down her leg with the bottom of her dress. And she stayed cooped inside the pit latrine the whole day. She did not know how to explain the blood on her special independenceday dress. [18.222.69.152] Project...