The Selected Letters of Elizabeth Stoddard

Letter 19. To Edmund Clarence Stedman, May 21, [1860]

54 letter 19  To Edmund Clarence Stedman May 21, [1860] [Mattapoisett, Massachusetts] Monday May 4 Dear Stedman, What a good letter you have sent me! I fully agree with you in what you say about my writing. You mentioned, “Wuthering Heights,”1 that book made more impression upon me than any book I ever read perhaps. Its directness, truth & isolation & individuality are wonderful. You have noticed what I have done closely, and I thank you for it—I am writing a story here,2 how long it will be I cannot say—of some length I hope, but my mind is so spasmodic there is no counting on it. I am as yet incapable of wresting my conceptions from my brain, they present themselves, to speak obstetrically, head & feet together—or I perceive that they are misshapen. I have to labor hard to give them grace & expression. I have had since I have been here, a fine letter from Lowell, wherein he sets forth his “creed of life & letters.” It is purity in both. In me he detects a tendency towards the edge of things3 & warns me against it. He objects strongly to the realistic tone of our present literature. Also I am coarse and literal by nature, what shall I do? My sensual perceptions react on my brain and I am a meek small, well disposed woman! I have been looking over Leaves of Grass.4 The author leaves himself no privacy and I think he is very nasty and laughable. What you say about Dick I feel. You will find no change in him—his faults are on the surface & find vent in his, “God dam yes!” He is an honorable, artistic man faithful to his notions of art—and generous to all real artists. We love each other as you know, though very different. I am the most worldly and, like every woman, want more things than he does, and he is the most unreasonable. Stoddard complains so much of lonesomeness & says I must be on 1st of June to stay with him. He thinks we can get our 55 meals at the Unitary5 without much cash. I may leave Willie till 1st July here & then go to Kennett6 with him. He is well & very handsome, but I feel with him, something as the man felt who won the elephant in the raffle—I do not know how to influence him—or what manner of being he is—or whether I am necessary to his development. Stoddard & I have such a violent individuality that I do not believe we can make good parents. I hope we shall see each other in NY. I am anxious about your health. Is there nothing to brace your nerves that are so harassed by the preying of disease? Do you take good care of yourself ? You know I am not well. I have had some internal trouble for years & have suffered greatly. I have suffered much since I have been here. I know so well your dejection know the weary resistance against bad feelings you continually make know the awful loneliness & separation from life, of sickness. Nothing but courage from God— energy, can keep you up. Hold fast to mental prayer, which is but selfsearching and resolution. I hate and fear Death, and shrink from pain & all sights of distress & misery—Yet, when I have been called upon to endure—I have gone through with my appointment with some fortitude. I am very sad about you. I am afraid you feel that you are not to live long & I fear so for myself—that you may not—that I shall have to see you suffer at last—Let me help you if I can. You must believe in me, and love me for I am worthy of it. I have liked you from the first. I see all your cares. I feel all your troubles. I think you must write. You must get into a poem—think of it by bits—& do not let work interfere with your ideal life. If you only had more money—if we only had. If we were all good sincere, unselfish, self-denying! Goodbye yours ever EDBS Manuscript: Edmund Clarence Stedman Papers, David M. Rubenstein Rare Book and Manuscript Library notes 1. Wuthering Heights (1847) by Emily Brontë (1818–1848). 2. Possibly The Morgesons. 56 3. Stoddard responds to Lowell directly about this claim in Letter 18 in this volume. 4.InMay1860,thethirdeditionof Leavesof...