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$ 233 $ Live Coverage of the Induction Ceremonies at the Inauguration of the Serial Killers Hall of Fame Good evening, fans from all across America. I’m Harv Flippin, along with Buzz Brinkley, coming to you live from the Christopher Wilder Auditorium in beautiful Pompano Beach, Florida, bringing you the entire program of the induction ceremonies for the inauguration of the Serial Killers Hall of Fame. This is truly, truly, an auspicious occasion. The air is simply crackling with excitement, with tension, and now, just minutes away from the opening ceremonies, people are still filing into the auditorium. I believe it can truly be said, Buzz, that we are witnessing history in the making.” “No doubt about it, Harv. I know that I am, and I know that you, too, are highly, highly honored to be here broadcasting this momentous event. And good evening to you, sports fans. I’m sure you’re all going to enjoy this stupendous event just as much as Harv and I will enjoy bringing it to you.” “Thank you, Buzz, for those most gracious and lofty thoughts.” (Voice now lowered a decibel or two in respect for the preponderance to come.) “Fans, who would have thought, only one year ago, that we would now be opening a Hall of Fame for serial killers. So long talked about, so long dreamed of, but now, thanks to so many dedicated, truly visionary individuals and corporations, we can not only announce that our finest and most dedicated serial killers are finally getting their just due, but we can actually televise the complete induction ceremonies as we open the Hall to the world at large. We have our Baseball Hall of Fame, our Basketball and Football Halls of Fame—and I might add, both for collegiate 234 $ geary hobson and professional athletes—and there are Halls of Fame for tennis, and golf, and auto racing. There are Halls for rock ’n’ roll musicians, for aviation pioneers, for businessmen, for cowboys and Indians, but until now, there hasn’t been one for the nation’s—indeed, the world’s—fastest growing sport: serial killing.” (Turning back to Buzz, Harv intones:) “And now, Buzz, we’re entering a new era. Serial killers have indeed come into their own.” “Yes, Harv, and high time, I say. And, Harv, I think we should take our hats off to such far-seeing organizations as the National Rifle Association—incidentally , our premier sponsor for this momentous event—in helping to bring the Hall into reality.” “Well put, Buzz. It goes without saying that the NRA, ever the great guardian of our individual liberties as Americans, has been of immeasurable benefit to the great sport of serial-killing, in so many ways.” “Harv, I hear there’s a small protest group outside, demanding among many things, that the Hall not be allowed to open. They say that attention given to such people as serial killers does more than just perpetuate the phenomenon—that it actually encourages the sport.” “Yes, Buzz, I’m not at all surprised. There’s always such kooks who feel they have to protest everything. Well, rest assured, Buzz. They’ll never get inside. Security is beefed up all around. Our brave boys in blue will make sure that only the right people get in: no victim’s rights groups, no pissed-off—oops, excuse me, heh heh heh—surviving family members, no burned-out homicide detectives get in to disrupt this truly auspicious occasion.” “Harv, I’m getting a report from Gina Groopie, our roving reporter on the auditorium floor. She tells me that Charlton Heston and Rush Limbaugh are in attendance. She says that Rush says he wouldn’t miss this event for the world.” “Great, Buzz. And say, will you look at all those banners down there? Some of those contingents are really going all out for their favorites. Look: There’s the Ted Bundy delegation—ted bundy what a guy! And how about that sign—get dead for ted. And that one—Bundy, bundy / he’ll even do you on a sunday. Now that’s clever. You know, Buzz, it’s really great to see all this spirit being shown for the fine sport—art, even—of serial killing.” “Right you are, Harv. And how about the Gerald Stano delegation? A great turnout for another local favorite son. Just look at those signs: stano—can-o, jerry’s the one, and short-order cooks for stano.” the serial killers...

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