The Last Jewish Virgin

Chapter 14

75 14 B ennett’s library was a large, windowless basement room, empty that afternoon except for two middle-aged African American women, probably faculty members, both wearing colorful blouses and shoulder-length dreadlocks, reading silently and companionably together at a table in the center of the room. They paid no attention to me as I walked over to the line of sleek, flat-screened computers set up in a row on a desk near the entrance. A quick search for “Vampires” turned up thousands of links ranging from vampireswithbreasts.com to uglyvampires.com to famousmormonvampires.com. Each site contained a seemingly endless number of links, and I clicked on site after site, but none held any answers, at least no answers that made sense to me. Reluctantly, I turned away and headed toward the dusty stacks of books. It took me awhile, but eventually I located a number of vampire-related tomes. The air in the room was stale, and I kept clearing my throat in order to breathe comfortably. With mounting frustration, I skimmed scholarly books about “re-contextualizing genre” and “de-mystifying myth,” until I found a couple that seemed refreshingly clear and direct. At that point, I began making a list of all the vampire traits I could find. 76 The Last Jewish Virgin Vampires can’t tolerate bright light, I wrote. Well, I knew that already, having connected it to Mr. Rock’s penchant for dim lights and sunglasses. Vampirescantransformthemselvesintomistandenterroomsnoiselessly through keyholes. Mr. Rock certainly entered rooms silently and swiftly, but I doubted that even he slipped through keyholes. At will, vampires can turn themselves into bats. Mr. Rock’s doors boasted bat-shaped doorknobs, but that was a far cry from his metamorphosing into a bat. Vampires sleep in coffins. He probably did have a big old coffin hidden somewhere in his house, maybe down in the basement. But that would be just another decorative statement reflecting his obsession, like the bat doorknobs. Vampires have no reflections in mirrors. I tried to think back— did his house have any mirrors? I couldn’t recall seeing a single one. But he’d been awfully selective about which rooms he showed me. Besides, if he were deluded enough to fancy himself a real vampire, why would ­ he keep mirrors around? Vampires can’t tolerate the smell of garlic or the sight of a cross. I hadn’t seen any cloves of garlic lying around Mr. Rock’s house, but I hadn’t seen any onions or green peppers either. Cooking probably didn’t rate high on his list of favorite hobbies. As for a cross, lots of people didn’t have religious symbols lying around. I knew Jewish families, for instance, who kept their menorahs and Stars of David packed away. Although vampires will drink the blood of other people, it’s the blood of innocent virgins that really enables them to survive. But the virgins the vampires sought were described as “defenseless victims,” and The Last Jewish Virgin was not defenseless. Even though I had to fight to maintain a grip on my own will whenever I was around Mr. Rock, the truth was that since meeting him, I felt stronger than I ever had. At times, I continued to imagine myself as a living, breathing incarnation of Wonder Woman, just as Colin had presented me in his drawing. But why, if I felt so strong, had I panicked earlier when I was kissing Colin on the street? I sighed loudly, almost painfully, acknowledging to myself that I Janice Eidus 77 was just one big mass of contradictions—strong, weak, confident, scared, frigid, virginal, red-hot with desire. I continued reading. Vampires possess amazing hypnotic powers. They can look at you and Bam!, their wish is your command. I was certain that Mr. Rock had studied hypnosis, in order to mimic the mind-bending, mind-twisting powers of the vampire. The better to seduce impressionable young women. Various theories were offered by writers in different fields— psychoanalysis, literature, film, philosophy—about the meaning of the vampire myth. The vampire is a metaphor for repressed desire. For artistic creation. For madness. For the wish never to be parted from one’s loved ones. For the outcast inside us all. For the monster inside us all. The vampire myth is about boundaries crossed; taboos broken; desires unearthed; about bestowing death and granting life; about being...