Bin Laden's Bald Spot: & Other Stories

A Confession

90 a confession Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Tell me about it. It has been, ah, it has been, well, it’s been a long time, to tell you the truth. A few years? Less than twenty. (dryly) Glad to have you back. I used to be here every week, you know. I was a confession nut. Had nothing to confess then, though. Speaking of confession, what would you like to confess? I wouldn’t like to confess anything, actually. But I think I should. You do. Brian Doyle | 91 I do. Why? Being shriven of sins, that sort of thing. You know. And your sins would be. . . ? I covet my neighbor’s wife. Well, we’re not really neighbors, but he lives nearby. They live nearby. He and the wife. I’m a little nervous here. That’s a serious sin, you know. More than people think. Yeh, I know. I feel badly about it. How badly? About half-bad. Half-badly, I mean. Is that a word, half-badly? To be forgiven you must feel remorse. Well, I do feel badly about him. Full-badly. He’s a good guy. And about her? Well, about her I feel . . . covetous. Have you acted on your desires? Ah . . . yes. More than once? (Pause) You mean each time more than once? 92 | Bin Laden’s Bald Spot (Pause) No. (Pause) I think I answered your question. (Pause.) Yeh. So, te absolve, how about it? It’s not that easy, Jack. You have to be sincerely sorry and resolve not to sin again, to be absolved of sin. I’m not convinced that you are sincerely sorry. Well, I’m sincerely sorry for him. He’s got the depression thing too, you know. The black dog. And he’s got a bad back. Jesus, a bad back is an awful thing. No matter what you do, there it is, like a knife in your spine. Jack, for her you feel no sorrow? For luring this woman into a state of mortal sin, no feeling at all? Hey, I didn’t lure her. She had her high beams on, my friend. So you’re not at fault. I don’t think it’s my fault, no. You know her. She’d dance with you if you could. Okay. Let’s get back to basics. Are you sorry for your sins? (Pause) I’m sorry I hurt Mike. That’s all? I’m sorry I got sucked into this, to tell you the truth. It stinks. We meet in motels and two seconds after I’m done I feel like a heel. But I keep going back. Brian Doyle | 93 Where do you meet? At the Day-Glo. Aw, c’mon. That’s tacky. That’s bad novel stuff. Can’t afford the Comfort Inn. Jesus, Jack. On esthetic grounds alone you should break this off. The Day-Glo. Jesus. It’s not that easy. Why? Well, for one thing, I paid in advance. You’re running a tab at an hourly motel? You get a 20 percent break if you book in advance. Thirty if you book more than a month. How far in advance are you booked? (Pause) Three months. Three months. Jesus, Jack. That’s embarrassing. The Day-Glo. Uh—could we get back to the confession thing here? I got things to do. Shit. Don’t say shit in the confessional. 94 | Bin Laden’s Bald Spot Okay. Listen, Jack—you have to stop. You know you want to. That’s why you and I are here. I know. You only get the one life, Jack. I know. But I’m tired. I don’t care much anymore about right and wrong, you know? I don’t mean to be rude or flippant, but I just don’t. I just want to get by with a little jolt here and there. (Pause.) It’s a dark joy. What? Joyless. And cold. That’s not what we’re here for. It’s not hurting anybody. And I’m so tired of thinking about what I’m supposed to do. I just want to do whatever I want to do. I’m awful tired. Me, too, Jack. Me too. Bad days, huh? Even for priests? Yeh, even for priests. Especially for priests. The nights are worse...