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168 Bookstore Signings, University Lectures, and Other Humbling Experiences . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Academy Award-​ winning song for the movie Hustle & Flow was titled “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp,” and let me tell you, a truer lyric has not been written. Fiction writer Donald G. Evans shared with me this response when he spoke to a Barnes and Noble Events Coordinator about doing a reading at her store: “What’s your name again? Donald G. Evans? I never heard of Donald G. Evans. I went down to the basement, and I asked, ‘Anybody ever heard of Donald G. Evans?’ Nobody in the basement ever heard of Donald G. Evans. Nobody ’s ever heard of you.” And even if poor Donald had been able to set up a reading for himself , his woes weren’t likely to end there. Here’s a story that’s all too common: You travel across the country, paid for by your publisher or out of your own pocket, to give a reading. You’ve been looking forward to this event for months, but when you show up at the event, there are only two people in the audience waiting to hear you. If you’re lucky, both people are fans of your work. If you’re not so lucky, one is a friend of the organizer who was called in at the last minute to fill out the room, while the other person thought you were somebody else. Fiction writer Wilton Barnhardt told me of an event he did in which the only person who showed up thought he was William Bernhardt, author of political thrillers. I’d like to lay blame for low attendance on the demands of the times we live in, but, sadly, that doesn’t appear to be the case. The following is an account from Kenneth Silverman’s biographyof Edgar Allan Poe: Poe’s lecture at the Norfolk Academy, on September 14, was a modest success, appreciated but not well attended. A local newspaper observed that his “recitations were exquisite, and elicited the warmest admiration,” but regretted “there were so few to partake.” Poe himself noted that Norfolk was a small town and that two other entertainments had been scheduled for the same evening. Publicity 169 Edgar Allan Poe’s lecture in 1849 could just as well be the account of any author on the road today. Of course, some authors can always draw a crowd, but as someone who has worked as a media escort for authors on book tours and as someone who now runs a university reading series, I can assure you that a large audience is an anomaly. Whenever I give a reading, whether it’s part of a book tour or by invitation , I’m always stunned when more than a smattering of people show up. But even when the auditorium is packed or every seat in the bookstore is occupied, there’s no guarantee that anyone is going to buy a book. I can’t begin to document the ways in which public readings can go wrong. I remember the time a man, who showed up to every reading on campus for the free food, stood up mid-​ reading, burped loudly, and asked if anyone had an antacid. I remember when a bookstore event for a well-​ known writer failed to make the monthly flyer and yielded only three people in the audience, one of whom was me, her media escort. At a library event I was invited to do, no one showed up. Not a soul. This, I should add, was the library in the city where I live and teach.The events coordinator disappeared for a few minutes and returned with a man who was apparently homeless. He gave the man a plate of food and then asked me to read. In this instance, I wasn’t sure whom to feel the most sorry for: the homeless man, the events coordinator, or myself. Not every well-​ attended event goes well, either. There are times when the author doesn’t do himself any favors. At one reading I attended , a fairly respected author answered a perfectly reasonable question with so much anger that he shook when he spoke. (This same author, busy talking to some friends, didn’t so much as look up at me as he signed a book I had brought to the reading, let alone thank me for coming.) I know of at least one author who won’t sign any...

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