Mark Twain Speaking

28. Curtain Speech

MARK TWAIN SPEAKING 103 England weather; but when the ice storm comes at last, I say: "There-I forgive you, now-the books are square between us, you don't owe me a cent; go, and sin no more; your little faults and foibles count for nothing-you are the most enchanting weather in the world!" Text / Composite, based upon: "Forefathers' Day. Speech of Mr. Samuel L. Clemens," Times, December 23, 1876; "The Weather," MTS(10):59-63; MTS(23):53-57; "New England Weather," £10quence (R):210-13; Eloquence(T):288-92; Mark Twain, "Speech on the Weather," Tom Sawyer Abroad and Other Stories (1896):402-6.· 28· In late 1876 Mark Twain and Bret Harte collaborated on a play, Ah Sin, named after the Chinese laundryman ofHarte's "Heathen Chinee." The play opened in Washington in May 1877, then, after revision, moved to New York in July, with Charles T. Parsloe in the title role. It was not a success, closing afterfive weeks ofdwindling receipts. New York critics said that Mark Twain's curtain speech was more entertaining than the play, and the ironical overtones ofhis remarks suggest that he did not think highly ofit either. Curtain Speech Opening of Ah Sin, Fifth Avenue Theatre, New York, July 31,1877 Ladies and gentlemen: In view of this admirable success, it is meet that I try to express to you our hearty thanks for the large share which your encouraging applause has had in producing this success. This office I take upon me with great pleasure. This is a very remarkable play. You may not have noticed it, but I assure you that it is so. The construction of this play was a work of great labor and research-and plagiarism. When the authors of this play began their work they were 104 MARK TWAIN SPEAKING resolved that it should not lack blood-curdling disasters, accidents, calamities-for these things always help out a play. But we wanted them to be new ones, brilliant, unhackneyed. In a lucky moment, we hit upon the breaking down of a stage coach as being something perfectly fresh and appalling. It seemed a stroke of genius-an inspiration. We were charmed with it, so we naturally overdid it a little. Consequently, when the play was first completed, we found we had had that stage breakdown seven times in the first act. We saw that wouldn't do-the piece was going to be too stagy (I didn't notice that-that is very good). Yes, the critics and everybody would say this sort of thing argued poverty of invention. And, confidentially, it did resemble that, so of course we set to work and put some limitations upon that accident, and we threw a little variety into the general style of it, too. Originally the stage coach always came in about every seven minutes, and broke down at the footlights and spilt the passengers down among the musicians. You can see how monotonous that was-to the musicians. But we fixed all that. At present the stage coach only breaks down once, a private carriage breaks down once, and the horses of another carriage run away once. We could have left out one or two of these, but then we had the horses and vehicles on our hands and we couldn't afford to throw them away on a mere quibble. I am making this explanation in the hope that it will reconcile you to the repetition of that accident. This play is more didactic than otherwise. For the instruction of the young \ve have introduced a game of poker in the first act. The game ofpoker is all too little understood in the higher circles of this country. Here and there you will find an ambassador that has some knowledge of the game, but you take the general average of the nation, and our ignorance ought to make us blush. Why, 1 have even known a clergyman-a liberal, cultivated, estimable, pure-hearted man, and a most excellent husband and father-who didn't value an ace full above two pair and ajack. Such ignorance as that is brutalizing. Whoever sees Mr. Parsloe in this piece sees as good and natural and consistent a Chinaman as he could see in San Francisco. I think his portrayal of the character reaches perfection. The whole purpose of the piece is to afford an opportunity for the illustration of this character. The Chinaman is going to...