Alandra's Lilacs: The Story of a Mother and Her Deaf Daughter

4. The Sounds of Silence

CHAPTER FOUR The Soundtf of Silence ~ Sitting at the kitchen table I told my mother about my encounter with the crazy woman at the bus stop. She didn't know how to make me feel better, but agreed that at least Landy wouldn't have to listen to such ignorant people. Then she advised me to ignore people who said things to purposefully hurt me. That was not exactly the kind of advice I cared to hear (but it would prove helpful later during an encounter with my maternal grandmother). I know now that my anger actually helped me through the hard years that followed. My mother and I put Landy's hearing aid on her and sat her on the kitchen table. We turned it on and were both silent for a moment, then I said "hello." Landy's eyes grew wide. Seeing her reaction, tears spilled from my mother's eyes and mine. What ajoy to see the smile and that wonderful light that came over my daughter's face the very first time she heard my voice. She could really hear! Wicked old women and their thoughtless tongues could no longer hurt me on this day. I had attained heaven! Landy didn't seem to mind wearing the hearing aid, so in my excitement I forgot to remove it. Every day after that, I left the hearing aid on her for the entire day. I began my testing again. What could Landy hear with her hearing aid and what could she hear without it? Mother and I made The Sounds of Silence sounds by clapping our hands and stomping our feet just to see her turn around and smile. Her other senses were so keen, though, that it was difficult to tell what she was really hearing. Often when we thought she was hearing a sound, she was actually feeling vibrations, using her peripheral vision , or smelling something with that little button nose. We nevertheless persisted in the testing, and it became a game. However, other experiences were not as much fun. My maternal grandmother often asked me to bring Landy to her house more often. Her name was Bertie Isbell, but when I was a child she called me a pickle puss. I teased her back by calling her Picky Puss, and the name stuck. It was a good fit, Grandma Picky Puss was just not a very nice person. Although she said she wanted to know all of her great-grandchildren, I had procrastinated. Now, though, Landy had a new hearing aid and I wanted to share my joy with everyone in the family. Soon after getting Landy's hearing aid I took her for a visit, wanting Grandma to see how hopeful things were now that Landy could hear so much better. We hadn't been at Grandma's home very long and she hadn't even offered us anything to eat. Sitting at the table in her kitchen, I noticed how unusually quiet she was. Gazing out the window, she finally said, "Tressa, I don't want you to bring your baby back here anymore. It just bothers me too much that she can't hear." Stunned, I stared at her in disbelief. Still sitting quietly, she told me, "The little girl across the street is retarded. She just sits and swings all day. The Sounds ofSilence I sit here at the table and watch her and think of your poor little baby. I don't want you to bring her anymore, I just can't stand it." Picking up my daughter and walking towards the door, I said, "Okay Grandma-it will be your loss, not hers. She will never know you existed." We never went back to my grandmother's house, and I never called her on the phone. I didn't miss her, but it hurt that she could reject my daughter so easily. I comforted myself with the knowledge that she had never been a very loving grandmother to any of her grandchildren. As a child I was never even offered a cookie at her house; if I asked for one, I was told they were for my grandfather's lunch. No, my daughter would not miss much. I was very careful not to run into her at my mother's house and to my knowledge, Grandma never asked about us. The rejection didn't hurt Landy...