Woman-to-Woman Sexual Violence: Does She Call It Rape?

Introduction

Introduction In 1984 it was a bit of a shock to me when I dated a woman who told me she had been battered by her former partner of several years. Of course I’d heard of battering. But by a lesbian? I never discounted her story, and years later when I worked at a domestic violence shelter agency, I was mystified by the lack of services for and discussion about battered lesbians. However, I was even more upset when our agency hired a part-time staff person to facilitate a battered lesbian support group and do outreach to the lesbian community but drew hardly any clients. By then I had heard more stories; I knew that such abuse existed in my own community. Where were the survivors of this abuse? Today, early in the third millennium, the situation has barely improved, but some changes have taken place. Articles have appeared in the queer press,1 some agency staff are talking about lesbian abuse, and some specific lesbian services are now available. Some. But the idea that women might be violent is not palatable; we don’t know quite how to place it, and as feminists, we are worried about possible consequences to our patriarchal analysis. The thought of a woman rapist is even more removed from our sensibility. A woman sexually harming another woman? Penetrating her with an object or her fingers? Tying her up and anally raping her? Holding her down? Verbally harassing her? Her against her? This is tough stuff. Just ask the women it happens to. Aileen confirms that abuse by another woman is not taken seriously. She felt she would not be believed: Anyone I talk to whether they are lesbian, bi, whether they’re a woman, whether they’re a man, whether they’re gay, it doesn’t matter what their sexual orientation is, it’s just the assumption that women cannot first of all be violent or even [be] more so than men to other women, but also that [the] violence cannot hurt as much. 3 4 W O M A N - T O - W O M A N S E X U A L V I O L E N C E I have worked in the domestic violence field since 1990 in various capacities : community educator, volunteer coordinator, support group facilitator , shelter staff member, volunteer advocate on a crisis line, and educator in volunteer trainings. I also teach about it in my college classes. I have worked on a county domestic violence council and on other community committees. I have counseled women of every age, from teenagers to retirees , and spoken to women in all kinds of circumstances, including women in prison. I have written about teen dating violence and lesbian battering. Over the years I have followed the resistance in our society to holding batterers accountable, and I have wondered if we have come very far in the last decade. And then I come to the topic of lesbian battering. The silence is deafening. Knowing what I know, I do not want to be haunted by Audre Lorde’s words: ‘‘Your silence will not protect you’’;2 and so, I speak out. Daphne McClellan points out that lesbian battering is a new problem ‘‘as far as public consciousness is concerned’’ and that it requires advocacy.3 There is resistance to both the survivors and the perpetrators, and they need to be defended in the general community and the criminal justice system against those who would rather not acknowledge their existence or who find their existence repulsive. They need to be defended against those that are aware of their existence but see such abuse as mutual fighting or scuffling, or even worse, as amusing.4 I agree with this assessment and seek to be such a defender. In this research I focus on sexual violence specifically rather than lesbian battering per se. The work on sexual violence, especially regarding lesbians and bisexual women, rests on the foundation of research on samesex domestic violence. Much of the sexual violence in the stories that follow takes place within a battering relationship. As such, much of what I write applies to both. The permission to speak about same-sex sexual violence has emerged from the public discussion of lesbian and gay male battering. The legitimacy to seek help for woman-to-woman sexual violence is reflected in what Allison has to say: Another thing that I think is important when you try to target...