Woman of the People

6. One Spring in Blanco Canyon

6. ONE SPRING IN BLANCO CANYON SOMETIMES she worked at a job that demanded all her attention and engaged even the deep parts of her mind so that she forgot to nurse her hatred and her secret designs. She would forget her reason for wanting to be a good worker and to be known as a good worker. She would lose herself in the satisfaction of the work, saying silently, "It's going well. Yes, I must do this in this way so that it will match the rest. Then when I finish this part, I'll go on with that. It's looking nice. It's going to turn out well." It would be that way when she was thinning and tanning skins for clothing or when she was making a bead design. It was that way when she worked with the three women on the new tipi covers, so much so that she hummed one of their songs with them while she worked and was caught up in the process of making a good new thing and felt satisfaction at the accomplishment. But after these times of forgetfulness, she would suddenly see herself clearly, and a feeling of guilt would flood over her. How could she have forgotten ? She would feel as if she had been unfaithful to those who had loved her and were dead and to those who might have loved her because they were white people as she was. They, the white people, who lived away at some uncertain place on the 105 A WOMAN OF THE PEOPLE 106 earth-whose very location became more of a mystery the more she learned the land of her captors-were fighting, so rumors continued to affirm, a great war among themselves; and she had no idea what it meant or where her loyalty might lie, as between the white factions, but that it should lie somewhere with them she had no doubt. She believed that any small chance she might have ever to be a good person or a decent person or a happy person lay with them. She felt that she must remember always what she was and what, in some way at some vague time in the future, she must do. It was difficult. One of the main anxieties had been the welfare of her sister. It had been an uncertainty, sometimes causing her to feel guilty, sometimes causing her to assert to herself that she could do nothing, sometimes making her wonder what, even if she could have her way, she would have her sister do. Sunflower was a favorite with the other youngsters and with the older ones who noticed and loved children. Wherever the children were playing kick ball or shinny or call-over-the-hill or playing house or playing in the water, yelling and laughing, her yellow head could be seen bobbing among the black heads. She loved joking and good-humored teasing and horseplay and was uS\lally in the center of it. Her hair, sunburned so that it was lighter than her skin, did not set her apart; rather it called attention to her as a part of what is gay and frivolous and innocent in children. She was spoiled by her adopted mothers and her adopted father and her adopted brother, Burning Hand. She always owned her own pony and had become, as many of the older girls were, a daring and reckless rider. Tehanita had given up long ago trying to speak English with her and had almost given up trying to influence her. Partly it was because they were separated so much. Sunflower had always been with the children; she had always been alone or working with the women. Then she had thought it might be just as well if Sunflower were satisfied and happy with her lot until the time came when they could escape. Finally, she had 107 ONE SPRING IN BLANCO CANYON lately become almost afraid to test her influence over her little sister, lest she cause a rebellion against herself which might ruin her influence at some crucial later time. The band had lived through the winter in Blanco Canyon with one of the small Kwahadi bands. That spring, the buffalo were nearby and plentiful. There was an informal dance the night before the hunters and butcher women would go on the spring meat hunt. Tehanita was astonished to...