The Rat That Got Away: A Bronx Memoir

11. What Women Want

11 What Women Want Of all the forces that influenced the formation of my life, none was more powerful than family. I was blessed to have several strong role models in my own household and extended family, and one person whose example shaped my young mind most at this crucial stage of adolescence was my older sister. Patricia Margaret Jones, whom everyone called Pat, was a person of strong character and striking appearance even as a young girl. Almost 6⬘3⬙ tall, with a light brown complexion, high cheekbones, and straight, jetblack hair, she showcased the American Indian ancestry from my father’s side of the family and carried herself with the dignity and seriousness my mother had taught her. At the very point when I was entering my troubled teenage years, she was preparing for a sweet 16 party, an event that highlighted the very different directions our lives were moving in. Although Pat’s personality was much more like my father’s than she would like to admit, she took after my mother and grandmother in her drive to achieve respectability and success. Although she could be ‘‘street’’ if she had to, the way she walked, talked, carried herself, and went about her business showed her determination to get out of the Projects and attain the comfortable middle-class life promised by the American Dream. She and her friends worked hard in school, kept away from bad influences, and took advantage of every opportunity they were offered. But Pat walked a thin line between determination and selfishness, and at times she definitely crossed it. If I happened to be eating something 53 54 What Women Want good, she would often ask for a taste, and I, being generous like my mother, would always give her a piece. But when she had something good to eat and I would ask for a piece, she would cover it with her hands and say, ‘‘Nope. That’s mine! You can’t have any!’’ This is not to say Pat was uncaring. If I were in real trouble, she would defend me to the death, with that same killer look in her eyes that I also saw in my father’s eye when he was angry. But when it came to her personal goals and to getting and keeping what she believed was hers, she was extremely focused and was willing to play hardball. She represented a new generation of women in the Patterson Houses who knew what they wanted and went for it. Pat and her friends—Linda and Valerie Huggins from apartment 7G and Diane and Sandra Green from apartment 1G—all carried themselves in a way that commanded respect. Every single one of them ended up in a professional career of some kind, an accomplishment that required a strong will and a clear-eyed vision. Getting out of the Projects required a high level of determination, so I can forgive small acts of selfishness on her part. Pat had a hard time living in the same house with my father, and she had the same bad temper he did. She did not like his street attitude and the way he talked to my mother. Periodically, she and my father would engage in a battle of wills that would lead to physical violence. I still remember one morning when I woke up before school to the sound of my father cursing, ‘‘Hold still or I will pull every hair from your motherfucking head!’’ I heard my mother pleading, the sound of tears in her voice, ‘‘Allen, don’t comb her hair that hard!’’ When I walked into the kitchen, I saw my sister sitting in a chair, dressed for school, and my father sitting behind her, combing her hair. Apparently, he did not like her new hairstyle, so he took it upon himself to comb her hair out and teach her a lesson. Pat sat there, crying tears of rage, and from that day on my father lost my sister’s love and respect. She was always polite to him, but she didn’t want any part of his bullshit. She hated the pimp attitude of my father and of many black men of that time, which was all about using physical force to get their way if their wives or girlfriends challenged them. Determined to avoid the position our mother found herself in, she took refuge in the company of women and showed interest...