The Mother/Child Papers: With a new preface by the author

Letter to M

‹33› Letter to M. Dear M. I am writing to thank you for the gift of the pipe, and your kind note,“Lactationwithrepresentation,”whichhasgivenmesomemidnight chuckles. I have, you will be interested to know—as a mother of three and a graduate student of English literature—been redeeming the time I spend with Gabriel in the rocking chair. He is the sweetest thing, intense at first, then dribbling and snoozing, but of course they all were. Possibly because he is my last, and when this phase is finished I will be that much closer to the stupor and the letting go, I am thinking about the erotic pleasure of nursing. You remember, I hope. To see them visibly grow, fed by us—it is almost too much. And then the sensation itself, like a cat lapping; only we are the innocent cat. You remember? I don’t believe I have ever seen a discussion of this experience; or indeed, any mention of the idea that we can be sexually aroused by being suckled, and that suckling is (biologically must be, just as orgasm during intercourse for a man must be, to insure survival of the species) physically pleasurable, one of the most pleasurable things it is possible for a human to do. Why do we not say this? Why are mothers always represented sentimentally , as having some sort of altruistically self-sacrificing “maternal” feelings, as if they did not enjoy themselves? Is it so horrible if we enjoy ourselves: another love that dare not tell its name? ...