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APOLOGUE. A young painter indulging a vein of pleasantry, sketched a kind of conversation-piece,1 representing a bear, an owl, a monkey, and an ass;2 and to render it more striking, humorous and moral, distinguished every figure by some emblem of human life. Bruin was exhibited in the garb and attitude of an old, toothless, drunken soldier; the owl perched upon the handle of a coffee-pot, with spectacle on nose, seemed to contemplate a news paper; and the ass, ornamented with a huge tye-wig,3 (which, however, could not conceal his long ears) sat for his picture to the monkey, who appeared with the implements of painting.This whimsical groupe afforded some mirth, and met with general approbation, until some mischievous wag hinted that the whole was a lampoon upon the friends of the performer: an insinuation which was no sooner circulated, than those very people who applauded it before, began to be alarmed, and even to fancy themselves signified by the several figures of the piece. Among others, a worthy personage in years, who had served in the army with reputation, being incensed at the supposed outrage, repaired to the lodgings of the painter, and finding him at home, “Heark ye, Mr. Monkey,”4 said he, “I have a good mind to convince you that tho’ the bear has lost his teeth, he retains his paws, and that he is not so drunk but he can perceive your impertinence—’Sblood! sir, that toothless jaw is a damned scandalous libel—but, don’t you imagine me so chopfallen as not to be able to chew the cud5 of resentment.”——Here he was interrupted by the arrival of a learned physician, who advancing to the culprit with fury in his aspect, exclaimed, “Suppose the augmentation of the ass’s ears should prove the diminution of the baboon’s—nay, seek not to prevaricate, for by the beard of Æsculapius!6 there is not one hair in this periwig that will not stand up in judgment to convict thee of personal abuse—Do but observe, captain, how this pitiful little fellow has copied the very curls—the colour; indeed, is different, but then the form and foretop are quite similar.”—While he thus remonstrated in a strain of vociferation, a venerable senator entered, and waddling up to the delinquent, “Jackanapes !”7 cried he, “I will now let thee see, I can read something else than a news paper, and that, without the help of spectacles—here is your own note of hand, sirrah, for money which if I had not advanced, you yourself would have resembled an owl, in not daring to shew your face by day, you ungrateful, slanderous knave!” In vain the astonished painter declared that he had no intention to give offence, or to characterize particular persons: they affirmed the resemblance was too palpable to be overlooked, they taxed him with insolence, malice, and ingratitude; and their clamours being overheard by the public, the captain was a bear, the doctor an ass, and the senator an owl to his dying day. Christian reader, I beseech thee, in the bowels of the Lord,8 remember this example while thou art employed in the perusal of the following sheets; and seek not to appropriate to thyself that which equally belongs to five hundred different people. If thou should’st meet with a character that reflects thee in some ungracious particular, keep thy own counsel; consider that one feature makes not a face, and that tho’ thou art, perhaps, distinguished by a bottle nose, twenty of thy neighbours may be in the same predicament. This page intentionally left blank ...

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