Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

N

Namby-pamby, adj. Having the qualityof magazine poetry. (See FLUMMERY. ) Nectar, n. A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief ingredient. Juno drank a cup of nectar, But the draught did not affect her. Juno drank a cup of rye— Then she bade herself good-bye. J.G. Negro, n. The piece de resistance in the American political problem. Representing him by the letter n, the Republicans begin to build their equation thus: "Let n = the white man." This, however, appears to give an unsatisfactory solution. Neighbor, n. One whom we are commanded to love asourselves,and who does all he knows how to makeus disobedient. Nepotism, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party. Newtonian, adj. Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton , who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but wasunable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when. Nihilist, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school isTolstoi. Nirvana, n. In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilationawarded to the wise, particularlyto those wise enough to understand it. Nobleman, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American maids ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life. Noise, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization. Nominate, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put for- ward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbing and deadcatting of the opposition. Nominee, n. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seekingthe honorable obscurity of public office. Non-combatant, n. A dead Quaker. Nonsense, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary. Nose, n. The extremeoutpost of the face. From the circumstancethat greatconquerors have great noses, Getius, whose writings antedate the age of humor , calls the nose the organ of quell. It has been observed that one's nose is neverso happyaswhen thrust into the affairs of another, from whichsome physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell. There's a man with a Nose, And whereverhe goes The people run from him and shout: "No cotton have we For our ears if so be He blow that interminous snout!" So the lawyers applied For injunction. "Denied," Said the Judge: "The defendant prefixion, Whate'er it portend, Appears to transcend The bounds of this court's jurisdiction." Arpad Singiny. Notoriety, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptableto mediocrity. AJacob's-ladder leading to the vaudevillestage, with angels ascending and descending. Noumenon, n. That whichexists,asdistinguished from that whichmerelyseems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning—which is a phenomenon. Nevertheless, the discovery and exposition of noumena offer a rich field for what Lewes calls "the endless varietyand excitement of philosophic thought." Hurrah (therefore) for the noumenon! Novel, n. A short story padded. A species of composition bearing the samerelation to literature that the panoramabearsto art. Asit istoo long to beread at a sitting the impressions made by its successiveparts are successively effaced , as in the panorama. Unity, totality of effect, is impossible; for besides the few pages last read allthat is carried in mind is the mere plot of what has gone before. To the romance the novel is what photography is to painting. 170 : THE UNABRIDGED DEVIL'S DICTIONARY Its distinguishing principle, probability, corresponds to the literal actuality of the photograph and puts it distinctly into the category of reporting; whereas the free wing of the romancer enables him to mount to such altitudes of imagination as he may be fitted to attain; and the first threeessentials of the literary art are imagination, imagination and imagination. The art of writing novels, such as it was, is long dead everywhere except in Russia , where it is new. Peaceto its ashes—some of which have a largesale. November, n. The eleventh twelfth of a weariness. Nudity, n. That quality in art which is most painful to the prurient. THE UNABRIDGED DEVIL'S DICTIONARY : 171...