Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

K

K is a consonant that we get from the Greeks, but it can be traced away back beyond them to the Cerathians, a small commercial nation inhabiting the peninsula of Smero. In their tongue it was called Klatchy which means "destroyed ." The form of the letter was originally precisely that of our H, but the erudite Dr. Snedeker explains that it was altered to its present shape to commemorate the destruction of the great temple of Jarute by an earthquake , circa 730 B.C. This building was famous for the two lofty columns of its portico, one of which was broken in half by the catastrophe, the other remaining intact. As the earlier form of the letter is supposed to have been suggested by these pillars, so, it is thought by the great antiquary, its later was adopted as a simple and natural—not to saytouching—means of keeping the calamity ever in the national memory. It isnot known if the name of the letter was altered as an additional mnemonic, or if the name wasalways Klatch and the destruction one of nature's puns. Aseach theory seems probable enough, I seeno objection to believing both—and Dr. Snedekerarrayed himself on that side of the question. Kangaroo, n. An unconventional kind of animal which in shape is farther than any other from being the square of its base. It is assisted in jumping by its tail (which makes very good soup) and when it has happened to alight on the surprised Australian it is usually observable that his skin is unbuttoned from the neck downward and he carrieshis bowels in his arms. Keep,v.t. He willed away his whole estate, And then in death he fell asleep, Murmuring: "Well, at any rate, My name unblemished I shall keep." But when upon the tomb 'twas wrought Whose was it?—for the dead keep naught. Dumng GophelArn. Kill, v.t. To create a vacancywithout nominating a successor. Kilt, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America andAmericansin Scotland. Kindness, n. A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction. Kine, n. Cows. If kine is the plural of cow, And the plural of sow is swine, Then pumpkins may hang from a vow, And coronets rest upon brine. King, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he neverwears a crown and has usuallyno head to speakof. A king, in times long, long gone by, Said to his lazyjester: cc lf I were you andyouwere I My moments merrilywould fly— No care nor grief to pester." "The reason, Sire, that you would thrive," The fool said— "if you'll hear it— Is that of allthe foolsalive Who own you for their sovereign, I've The most forgiving spirit." OogumBern. King's Evil, n. A maladythat was formerlycured by the touch of the sovereign, but has now to be treated by the physicians. Thus "the most pious Edward" of England used to layhis royalhand upon his ailing subjectsand makethem whole— a crowd of wretched souls That stay his cure: their maladyconvinces The great essayof art; but at his touch, Such sanctity hath Heaven given his hand, They presently amend, as the "Doctor" in Macbeth hath it. This useful property of the royal hand could, it appears, be transmitted along with other crown properties; for according to "Malcolm," 'tis spoken, To the succeeding royalty heleaves The healing benediction. But the gift somewhere dropped out of the line of succession: the later sovereigns of England have not been tactual healers, and the disease once 142 : THE UNABRIDGED DEVIL'S DICTIONARY honored with the name "king's evil" now bears the humbler one of "scrofula ," from scrofa, a sow. The date and author of the following epigram are known only to the author of this dictionary, but it is old enough to show that the jest about Scotland's national disorder is not a thing of yesterday. Ye Kyngehis evill in me laye, Wh. he of Scottlande charmed awaye. He layde his hand on mine andsayd: "Be gone!" Ye ill no longer stayd. But O ye wofull plyght in wh. I'm now y-pight: I have ye itche! The superstition that maladies can be cured by royal taction is dead, but like many a departed conviction it has left a monument of custom to keep its memory green. The practice of forming in line and shaking the...