Ameriscopia

Puerto Rican Astronaut

55 Puerto Rican Astronaut That the new black? Hole-insky! (knock three times) Just sayin’, got it all figured out. Listen . . . a sushi chef, right? Always a guy, right? FACT! Lookit up, just sayin’ ya got yer deep ocean-clan tradition, right? Top o’which (slap-slap) hand o’the woman (pause) all wrong temperature t’mold fish. FACT! Just sayin’! Okay now, whataboutamatador . . . always a man right? FACT! TRADITION, ya got it! Huh? (pause) You kiddin’? (pause) She any good? (pause) That don’t count. Plus, yer woman’s basic killer instinct, all maternal. Poor bull, someone’s baby, oh diaper, THE HOOOORNS . . . he’s gotta live every time! The crowd, waitin’ for that long, drawn out, painful thrill, ooooh, ooooh, bloody, bloody . . . ZIP! Ya wit me? Okay, now ya got yer white-collar African-American who can’t swim or play hockey . . . ’cuz o’that small bone in his heel. FACT! Lookit up buddy, Jimmy the Greek, Wikipedia, whatever (knock three times). So, there’s a female sushi chef, a female matador and a black Olympian swimmer hockey player (slap-slap). They shack up in a recently foreclosed one-bedroom adobe condo . . . get this, in the south of Portugal. Huh? (pause) Fine, Long Beach, whatever! So listen . . . no one’s having sex, everyone’s got an agent . . . ya wit me? Big Brother meets Ugly Betty meets that pissed-off chef. This is gold baby! (slap-slap) Every week like clockwork, they come home, yur right there, key in the lock, rough day at the office, complainin’, playin’ cards, shovin’ undies, goin’ on dates, femino-racial whatnot and happenstance, right inyerface!Alittlechunka’hootchiezenforyogayuks... justsayin’(knock three times)!Now, okay ready . . . get this! Surroundin’ their spread is a curvy wall o’white pasty-faced bricks . . . hear me out! Like that great wall over there . . . whattaya got, Asia . . . help me out! Whatever! But way smaller . . . and cheaper. Every now and then a piece comes out, so’s you can see the other side. Literal crap for all’em Walmart milfs, like breakin’ the fourth wall but without the mess. You know, Beaver . . . with facial hair, ONLY HE NEVER SHAVES! Pot in the hole . . . he’s all lala lickly! Anyways, they fix it, have sangria, whatever (slap-slap). Decide to get a roommate. Agree on a Puerto Rican astronaut . . . HAH! Like one more’s gonna make a diff . . . did I say? (pause) Make that two plus two, yeah . . . kickbacks! So get this . . . one day, they text the fax machine . . . what? It’s been done? Okay, how about this . . . ...