My Bird

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112 44 Shahla’s maman says, “A man shouldn’t take off and leave his wife and small children all alone.” But my maman says, “The farther a pest, the less problematic life is.” Shahla’s maman says, “A woman who has an income or a salary doesn’t need a husband.” But my maman says, “It’s better to at least have the name of a husband anyway.” Mahin writes that they raised us as the sons who were never born, and among us Shahla is the worst victim. She became neither a man nor a woman. She is male. Shahla’s maman doesn’t eat breakfast. “I have no appetite.” And to convince herself she says, “A big breakfast is not good for you.” But my maman stops her weeping after everybody leaves the house, like a radio that is suddenly turned off. Then she sets the table. Brews the tea and is careful the tea has a nice color and flavor and doesn’t taste like bath water. She puts preserves, walnuts, and cheese in separate dishes and eats her breakfast as she watches the sparrows outside her window. Shahla’s maman is a thoughtless woman who has reached this age without saving a single penny. My maman has so M Y B I R D | 113 much savings that nobody knows the exact amount, and in those evenings when she feels down and nobody is around, she brings it out. Counting her money over and over, she wraps a thick rubber band around each bundle. Shahla’s maman is an old woman who thinks about the other world, but my maman has only recently found time to think about this world. Shahla’s maman is a woman who tolerated all kinds of misery and remained faithful to her husband to the end, but my maman remained loyal to herself more than anybody else. When Shahla talks about Maman I listen quietly. The woman Shahla talks about is only her maman. She waves her hand in front of my eyes and snaps her fingers. “Where are you?” I say, “With Mahin. I miss her.” And I don’t tell Shahla that I had gone to Mahin to talk about the maman I knew. ...