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Mothering Work and the Art of Fostering Now when we started, fifteen years ago, the babies weren’t sick like we’re getting now. They were just basically, [their parents] didn’t want them, the grandparents couldn’t help out, whatever. Well, from like probably ten years and on they’ve all been drug exposed, fetal alcohol, premature babies. I mean my first ones were basically full term, now you’re dealing with all the medical problems. Tube feedings, oxygen. I had two kids on oxygen. —Linda Vanderbrink, a married Euro-American woman in her late forties In spite of painful interactions with the state, women established daily routines that defined what fostering was and what a foster mother should be. There was significant agreement about the definition of fostering and the nature and range of work that was “normal.” Fostering included routine caregiving tasks familiar to women through biological mothering and a host of tasks, behaviors, and thoughts they experienced only through fostering. For example, foster mothers spoke of tasks like meal preparation, helping with homework, or taking children to the doctor juxtaposed with tasks peculiar to fostering like swaddling cocaine-addicted infants, helping children who had been physically battered feel safe, changing the bandages of children who had been burned, helping children to stay in touch with their biological families, or helping children find alternatives to self-destructive behavior . These mothering tasks were integrated into women’s daily routines and were seldom commented on. Women approached the relationship with the understanding that they would and could meet children’s needs. As long as women were successful, they seldom commented on the sometimes extraordinary lengths to which they went in order to 6 105 meet those needs. The only exception to this was the pride with which women spoke of being able to acquire new skills in order to increase their mothering competence. What a foster mother was was defined by what a foster mother did. Women consistently spoke of the following tasks: (1) knowing, loving, and making sacrifices for children; (2) instilling in children a sense of belonging (3) adding them to the foster family; (4) offering or facilitating healing, and (5) advocacy. Each of these aspects of foster mothering was facilitated or impeded systematically through the procedures and practices of the Department of Children and Families. The Work of Knowing and Loving Foster Children Loving children was most often described as an intrinsic component of mothering work and was referred to as a “natural” consequence of the mothering relationship. Through a relationship, a child’s personality, needs, and history could be known and experienced. Without love, there was little chance of adequately caring for children. Most women were extremely modest in their descriptions of their own mothering. When asked what was the most important thing a foster mother provided for children, most women talked about providing a safe environment in which family and mothering relationships could grow and develop. I guess the one thing that I know I can do for these children is to provide a safe place while they’re here. I can’t necessarily say that while they’re with their mom or dad things are going to be safe, because if the law says they have to visit, then they have to visit. But while they’re here, in my home, they’ll be safe. There will be plenty to eat. Their home will be clean. They will be warm. Their things, their physical needs will be met, as many of their emotional needs as I can. They won’t have to be afraid of any male figures that are going to harm them nor will I harm them. And I just, while you’re here, I’m the mommy in the house, and I will do the best job that I know how to do as a mom, and that’s all I can say. But I think that’s the most important thing I can do. If they’re only here for a little while, they see what’s reasonably normal . God knows our house isn’t normal. Early in the morning and late in the evening it does not look normal. I mean maybe that’s what normal is, everybody running around. But a touch of what seems to be normal, a mom and a dad figure, other brothers and sisters, with people sharing. 106 | Mothering Work and the Art of Fostering [3.15.211.107] Project MUSE (2024-04...

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