Superdads: How Fathers Balance Work and Family in the 21st Century

FOUR: “Old” Dads

76 four “Old” Dads Matt’s Story Matt, a 46-year-old high school graduate, works as a delivery driver for a large company. He has been with the company for almost 30 years, delivering packages for about 20 years. He considers it to be a physically demanding job, but one that he enjoys as it allows him to meet and develop relationships with a lot of different people. But he works long hours and is away from home about 12 hours each day once travel and lunch are factored in, leaving home around 7:30 in the morning and returning around 7:30 at night. A typical workday begins with a morning meeting and departure sometime before 9 a.m. It generally takes him all day to empty his truck (i.e., deliver all the packages), at which point he has to do “a pickup run” in which he picks up packages from daily customers. He often does not arrive back at the distribution center until 7 p.m. Matt is married with three sons, two teenagers and one preteen. His long work days mean he is not home with his children when other fathers are: I spend more time away from home because of work than anybody else I know of. I will be working, delivering packages, and dads who are home from work eating supper with their families will come to “Old” Dads 77 the front door, and I’ll give them the packages. They’re at home, you know, for 10, 12, 15 hours a week more than I am, so they, the way I see it, they have a lot more time to, you know, to take care of, to interact with the kids and to play the games and to, you know, take them to ball games and stuff like that. With me, I work so many hours that, by the time I get home from work—and it’s always been like this— by the time I get home from work, supper’s over with, everybody’s eaten, the food is either—my plate’s in the microwave waiting on me, or I get it out of the refrigerator, everybody’s in their different rooms, you know, anything that has happened during the day has already happened . (emphasis added) Here Matt expresses a sense of loss, counting the hours that he is not there and knowing that he has missed “anything that has happened” at home. Matt was one of the few fathers that made a negative comparison of themselves to other fathers. By highlighting other fathers “eating supper with their families” and calculating how many more hours they are at home, Matt admits that he is not fulfilling the more active role of father. Rather, restrictions on time at home mean that he cannot be a part of his sons’ daily activities. Instead he takes on a more limited role of disciplinarian : “I end up, you know, just being more of a punisher, or I’m the one that says, ‘Okay, you’re grounded,’ or you know, ‘Okay, you go to your room,’ you know, or ‘Your mother called me on the phone,’ you know, that kind of person. I just don’t have the time at home to, you know, to be there.” His absence means his role as disciplinarian is a very specific one, the type that comes in after everything has already happened and decides who is in trouble. Again, Matt emphasizes not being there and how it pervades every aspect of fatherhood for him. When I asked Matt why he works so many hours, he responded, It’s demanded, it’s part of the job. You work until the work’s done. It’s basically forced overtime. . . . I’ve asked them many times about a reduction in overtime, and they just—they can’t accommodate it on a day-to-day, week-to-week—they just can’t do it; they don’t have the power. There’s not enough people there to pull work off of me. “Old” Dads 78 Matt further explains that his most recent contract addresses overtime but offers only minimal protection and little enforcement. Specifically, the contract states that if an employee works more than 9 hours and 45 minutes three days out of five, he can ask to reduce his hours. However, Matt thinks it is too easy for the...