Superdads: How Fathers Balance Work and Family in the 21st Century

EIGHT: Conclusion

195 Eight Conclusion Fathering roles and relationships have the potential to encompass most of a man’s adult life.1 Twenty years after Arlie Hochschild proclaimed that there was a “stalled revolution” when it came to women’s rights and gender equality, Paula England spoke of an “uneven and stalled” revolution.2 Both suggest that the change in gender roles that has occurred has been asymmetrical. Women ’s roles have changed dramatically, as they currently earn more college degrees than men do and compose about half the workforce.3 Yet, while women have entered previously “male” spheres, there has been much less movement of men into “female” spheres. Thus, gendered roles continue to inhabit relationships between men and women, and England states, “Women are most likely to challenge gender boundaries when there is no path of upward mobility without doing so, but otherwise gender blinders guide the paths of both men and women.”4 She argues that the asymmetry in the gender revolution is due to asymmetric incentives for men and women to make changes and to gender essentialism. First, it is clear that in a society that values masculinity and masculine activities while devaluing feminine activities, women will have more incentive to engage in masculine activities than vice versa. For example, women have a strong incentive to enter the labor force because of its economic rewards. On the other hand, men have little incentive to leave the labor force in order to take on the un- Conclusion 196 paid task of caregiving. Second, gender essentialism, the idea that women and men are fundamentally different, is still prevalent in our society. Therefore , ideas about what men can and cannot do shape our notions of proper family roles.5 Yet fathers are also expected to be more involved with their children, and there is increasing evidence that fathers’ own desire for involvement is real. And while change has been slow, the trend is definitely under way, as fathers today spend more time with their children than did fathers of the past. Men are not the only ones to notice this change. Almost one-third of wives report that their husbands take on equal responsibility for childcare.6 In order to better understand men’s experiences as working fathers, I talked with 70 fathers who represent a diverse range of demographic and occupational characteristics. These men’s stories provide a picture of the work-family struggles and strategies of fathers in the early 21st century. What lessons do they provide? First, it is clear that today’s men experience a profound change in their attitudes and priorities regarding work and family upon becoming fathers. Confirming survey data from the Families and Work Institute, more fathers are family-centric than work-centric.7 While fathers in the past certainly experienced life changes when first entering this new role, today’s fathers now face the challenge of how to best combine work and family. The first challenge new fathers face is arranging time off around their child’s birth. Consistent with other recent studies, most fathers I talked with took one to two weeks off work following the birth of a child, though this varies by class. Particularly important to understanding men’s decisions regarding paternity leave is that very few fathers have access to paid leave. Under the Family and Medical Leave Act, leave is unpaid, and very few fathers work for companies that offer paid paternity leave. As a result, new fathers often use vacation days or informal practices in order to take time off. There is some possibility for change, as witnessed by some of the California fathers in my study, and this is expanded on later in this chapter. Second, and following from the first point, most fathers experience some kind of work-family conflict or imbalance. Again, the numbers are evident in larger-scale survey research, which shows that men are actually more likely than women to report work-family conflict.8 Understand- Conclusion 197 ing this phenomenon requires that we listen to men’s stories about this conflict. Men today do not go about business as usual once they have kids. Rather, in addition to the continued pressure they face to provide for their families, there is an added meaning placed on their role as father that emphasizes time with their children. The conflict occurs when fathers are expected to work long hours but are also...