The Rabbi's Wife: The Rebbetzin in American Jewish Life

3. “ Mr. & Mrs. God”

“Mr. & Mrs. God” The G’s were a lovely rabbinic pair and I loved to visit them. . . . On one visit, a very long time ago, my host Rabbi descended to the cellar to take care of the ashes, which at that time meant caring for the furnace which produced the heat. Calling out to his wife I heard him say, “Leah, I think I have a wedding today, please check my calendar.” Leah promptly did and reported, “No, there is nothing on the calendar.” The Rabbi emerged from the basement, clothes covered with white dust, and decided to look up his own pocket calendar. “Heavens, yes, a wedding that day.” But where? He had neglected to enter the time and place. Rebbetzin to the rescue. She called the home of the bride and the mother answered. The Rebbetzin said, “This is Western Union. We have a telegram for you. Where is the wedding taking place?” “It will be at the Rabbi’s home at 2:00.” Well, the three of us put that house in order fast. The Rabbi got out of his jeans and into his striped pants and black jacket. Nes godol hayo shom—a great miracle happened there.1 My hostess and I set up the chupah [wedding canopy], prepared a small table with wine and a glass wrapped in a paper napkin to be stamped on by the groom. And so a wedding took place and everyone was happy. It was indeed a miracle that day.2 Lilly Soloway Routtenberg, wife of Max Routtenberg, rabbi in Reading, Pennsylvania (1932–48), and Rockville Centre, New York (1954–72), penned the above story. She hoped to include it in a book, tentatively titled Humor from the Rebbezinate, which she began writing in retirement.3 As the “miracle” demonstrates, Routtenberg believed that rabbis needed the knowledge, dedication, and ingenuity of their wives to succeed in their careers. The rebbetzin expertly set up the ritual 3 88 objects for the wedding, but since her actions fell well within the purview of the homemaking role, they simultaneously reinforced the gendered nature of her position rather than threatening her husband’s. At the same time, performing mundane, housekeeping duties in preparation for a wedding enhanced their function by imbuing such work with a larger, sacred purpose. In many ways, Routtenberg had prepared for such a life from her youth. She remembered being called “rebbetzin”4 by her parents, in Montreal, Canada, because her devotion to Judaism prompted her to watch over the kashrut of the kitchen when her mother was ill. On marrying Max in 1931, a year before his ordination from the Jewish Theological Seminary, Lilly met weekly with other student wives to educate herself for the role. She recalled everyone taking themselves very seriously, so conscious were they of the significance of the position they were about to assume. After they became congregational rebbetzins, these women continued to provide support for each other through round-robin letter correspondence. One rebbetzin described the goingson in her community, and the next woman added her own reaction and experiences and passed both on to a third. Annual Rabbinical Assembly conventions became an additional opportunity for the wives to share stories and strengthen each other. Routtenberg’s talents culminated in The Jewish Wedding Book: A Practical Guide to the Traditions and Social Proprieties of the Jewish Wedding,5 which she wrote with her daughter, Ruth R. Seldin. This book, described as “the first of its kind,”6 wove together American etiquette and Jewish law and custom to guide families through the process of planning a wedding. Summarizing Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform practices on various issues, Routtenberg and Seldin also generalized authoritatively about Jewish practice in the pre-modern period. Their “credentials” for writing are described on the book jacket as: “wife and daughter of a prominent rabbi.” Throughout her life, Routtenberg understood the rabbinate as a twoperson career. In her words, “without a wife, it’s half a rabbinate.” Serving her husband’s congregation and Women’s League as hostess, educator, writer, and speaker, she recalled with great satisfaction that “we had a very happy rabbinate.”7 It is not surprising that many rebbetzins of the era felt the same way, given prevailing societal attitudes. Women made up approximately 40 “Mr. & Mrs. God” | 89 percent of all college students in the 1930s and 1940s. More collegeeducated women entered the professions, and by 1930...