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20 \f A Personal Narrativ e cians an d th e medi a lea d u s t o believ e tha t onc e w e "fix " welfare , th e huge federa l defici t wil l disappear . Unfortunately , man y o f th e peopl e talking abou t welfar e see m t o kno w ver y littl e abou t i t an d see m no t t o care abou t ou r mos t vulnerabl e citizens : poo r children . I f the y reall y d o want to reform welfare , the y shoul d tal k to the rea l "experts" : those kid s going without food a t the end o f the month . I now regret feeling ashamed an d embarrassed abou t my family's racial poverty an d especiall y ru e blamin g m y mothe r fo r it . Onl y no w d o I understand ho w hard it was for her to see us live as we did. Unfortunately , we are not born with knowledge an d skill s to negotiate such feelings , no r are ther e enoug h accessibl e institution s t o hel p poo r peopl e cop e wit h such feelings o r provide them with guidance to move out of racial poverty. Plans fo r welfar e refor m mus t increas e th e fundin g an d accessibilit y o f such agencies-suc h a n agency could hav e helped m y family a great deal . Under ou r extraordinar y circumstances , De e wa s th e bes t mothe r w e could hav e had . Althoug h sh e was smar t an d talented , sh e ha d accumu lated fe w materia l possession s t o show for it . Nonetheless, sh e fashione d an existenc e fo r u s ou t o f almos t nothing , an d sh e neve r seeme d con sumed b y despair, her s o r ours. As a result, I never los t hope . She neve r talked abou t hatin g white s o r the me n wh o ha d abandone d he r an d he r children. Although we had very little, Dee taugh t u s to take care of what we di d have , and sh e mad e i t clear tha t sh e expecte d eac h o f us to hel p the famil y wheneve r w e could. I was my siblings' keeper. W e all helpe d out, an d De e staye d an d struggle d wit h us . I don't kno w why sh e didn' t leave, but it never once occurred t o me that she might . MAN-CHILD Being poor, hungry, and on welfare di d not make me idle or dependent. I was neve r lazy , an d I wa s dependen t onl y whe n I was a child. Instead , racial poverty drov e m e t o work har d t o escape it . In an y case, work was not optional ; i t wa s a matter o f survival . I bega n workin g a t ag e seven , running errands, doing yard work, or shoveling snow for neighbors. My first stead y employe r wa s a white gu y name d E d Rollin s wh o ra n the Bonde d ga s statio n o n Livingston , on e bloc k eas t o f m y house . H e paid m e fift y cent s t o wal k t o th e Donu t Hol e fo r ho t coffe e an d fres h donuts. Six days a week, hundred s o f people heade d t o the Donu t Hol e on thei r wa y t o work t o bu y freshl y bake d glazed , stick , o r cake dough - A Personal Narrativ e \f 2 1 nuts an d coffee . Th e nam e o f th e stor e wa s appropriat e fo r it s size . You could hardl y fin d a parking place , an d whe n yo u entere d th e store , th e customers were elbow to elbow—some standing , some sitting—savorin...

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