Covenant Marriage: The Movement to Reclaim Tradition in America

Chapter 5: The Role of Religion in Covenant and Standard Marriages

78 Chapter 5 The Role of Religion in Covenant and Standard Marriages Y With Jill A. Deines The purpose of this chapter is to explore how our couples perceive the role of religion in their marriages, as well as their responsibilities as pro-marriage advocates. Since the inception of covenant marriage in 1997, the large majority who elect covenant marriages have been conservative evangelical Protestants. Standard marriages , however, contain large numbers of devoutly religious people as well. Still, as we show in this chapter, the covenants attach uniquely sacred and religious meanings to their marriages, sanctify marriage in general, and demonize divorce (tending literally to view divorce as the Devil’s handiwork ). Although many married people are religious, covenant couples see their marriages as an integral expression of their religion, indeed, nearly as religion itself. To explore the role of religion, we supplement the quantitative survey data with information from face-to-face interviews with a subset of the larger sample. We compare covenant and standard couples across multiple religious and spiritual domains, with a particular focus on how their shared visions of religiosity influence their view and understanding of the sanctity of marriage. Covenant Marriage as a Signal We also explore here why covenant couples felt compelled to enter a covenant marriage in the first place. The answer, we find, lies in the symbolic meaning of a covenant marriage. Many chose covenant marriages to “send a The Role of Religion in Marriage 79 message” to the rest of the world that they feel an obligation to protect marriage for the good of their family and for society at large. Covenant marriage therefore provides a tool to merge personal and political beliefs in a meaningful way. The covenant “signal” serves these private and public purposes in ways not routinely shared by even the most religious standard couples. Some couples may see marriage as a social institution that demands more than love, intimacy, and respect between partners. Indeed, some see marriage as a social institution that requires active proselytizing and spirited defense as a sacred relationship among society, individuals, and God. We are particularly interested in answering questions such as the following. Do intensely religious couples such as covenants intentionally promote their own marriages as models for others to emulate? Do couples who perceive that the wider society is deficient in family or spiritual values use their own unions as examples that serve a public and religious purpose? Do these couples use their own marriages as weapons against the divorce culture? Marriage, and a willingness to marry, signal commitment and exclusivity , acceptance of normative guidelines for good interpersonal behavior, and credibility as a dependable, mature citizen to the partner, employers, and the government. The marriage signal contains both interpersonal and community messages. Serious individuals demonstrate their trustworthiness by seeking personally costly ways to convey honorable, faithful intentions, such as foregoing other intimate partners, entering premarital counseling, or adopting joint religious or social practices with the intended partner (Rowthorn 2002). The problem, however, is that “[i]t has become more difficult for men and women to signal their commitment by getting married, since marriage commits the partners to less than used to be the case” (Rowthorn 2002, 140). For those who want their marriages truly to signal sexual exclusiveness , lifetime commitment, and mutual support, every divorce or infidelity in the wider society reduces the credibility of the marriage signal. Rowthorn (2002, 142) notes that “marriage is like a professional qualification whose value as a signal depends crucially on its reputation. . . . Committed couples and society at large have a common interest in discouraging modi- fications to the marriage contract or forms of behavior that undermine the reputation of marriage.” Thus, a principal role for covenant marriage is that it serves as a strong signal in a weak marriage climate. For religious individuals, it also allows them to express the sacred (Pargament 2002), and they view covenant marriages as sacred. In turn, this view that marriage is a sanctified relationship 80 Covenant Marriage produces greater commitment, mutual support, respectful communication, and joint participation in a church community. It sustains a spouse’s belief in permanence. For someone with a strong personal need and perceived obligation to sanctify marriage, receiving a clear signal about a potential partner’s marital commitment is obviously important. In addition, a very religious individual may feel that a strong marriage signal bene...