The Twelve Chairs: A Novel

Contents

Contents Foreword Alexandra Ilf xi Translator’s Introduction xxvii Part One: The Lion of Stargorod 1 Bezenchuk and the Nymphs 5 2 The Demise of Madame Petukhova 17 3 The Sinner’s Mirror 27 4 The Muse of Distant Travel 37 5 The Registrar’s Past 43 6 The Smooth Operator 65 7 Diamond Smoke 75 8 Traces of the Titanic 83 9 The Little Sky-Blue Thief 89 10 Where Are Your Curls? 103 11 The Parakeet, the Repairman, and the Fortune-Teller 113 12 The Alphabet, the Mirror of Life 125 13 A Passionate Woman, a Poet’s Dream 141 14 Breathe Deeper, You’re Excited! 155 15 The Union of the Sword and the Plowshare 175 Part Two: In Moscow 16 Amid an Ocean of Chairs 191 17 The Brother Berthold Schwartz Dormitory 195 18 Respect Your Mattresses, Citizens! 211 19 The Furniture Museum 219 20 European-Style Voting 229 21 From Seville to Granada 241 22 Corporal Punishment 255 23 Ellochka the Cannibal 269 24 Absalom Vladimirovich Iznurenkov 279 25 The Motorists’ Club 291 26 Conversation with a Naked Engineer 305 27 Two Visits 315 28 The Excellent Jailhouse Basket 321 29 The Little Hen and the Pacific Rooster 331 30 The Author of “The Gavriliad” 343 31 The Mighty Handful, or the Gold-Seekers 355 32 In the Columbus Theater 365 Part Three: Madame Petukhova’s Treasure 33 A Magical Night on the Volga 383 34 A Pair of Unclean Animals 397 35 Expulsion from the Garden of Eden 411 36 The Interplanetary Chess Congress 421 37 And Others 439 38 A View of a Malachite Puddle 449 39 Cape Green 459 40 Under the Clouds 469 41 Earthquake 481 42 Treasure 495 Translator’s Notes 507 ...