Belmour: A Modern Edition

Chapter 11

✦ 117 ✦ forgotten in my orisons—farewell!” said he mournfully, as he folded Belmour in his arms—“farewell, and take my blessing.” He stood at the gate of the monastery, where they had parted, following Belmour with his eyes, and often, as he saw him look back, waving his hand, till intercepted by the trees; as Belmour entered the path which led from the church, he lost sight of him forever. Chapter 11 a few days after belmour had taken leave of the friar, he quitted Lisbon, and embarked for England. Twelve days’ sail, in the most prosperous weather, brought him to Falmouth. He felt not that joy, which should have accompanied him, on his return to his native land, where every advantage fortune could bestow was showered upon his head. When he reached Belmour Castle, however, the seat of his ancestors, he experienced a sensation of unspeakable pleasure at the natural expressions of satisfaction and joy, which his presence occasioned among all those, by whom he was surrounded;— he felt they were sincere—felt that he deserved them.—His pride was of that genuine, noble nature, which secures respect from man to man, in whatever situation or rank of life he may be placed; added to this, his benevolence and generosity, with the polished gentleness of his manners, had ever made him adored by his father’s tenants, domestics, and by all the surrounding inhabitants of the country, and his return was looked to, as the promise of every good: but when he turned his thoughts inwardly to his own susceptible heart, he there felt only a melancholy blank—felt himself alone in the world. ✦ 118 ✦ “Is this happiness?” cried he,—“alas! alas! to others, indeed, I may, in some measure, be the means of dispensing it—but to myself!—” Occupied with these reflections he had been for some time walking to and fro in the gallery of the castle, when, throwing himself on a sofa, his eyes met a portrait of his sister .—It was herself as once he remembered her, smiling in all the bloom of health.—“Poor sister!” exclaimed he, “how art thou changed! now perhaps no more! and what real interest remains to me on earth?” His eyes continued fixed on the portrait , till they were dimmed by tears.—“But,” continued he, as he passed his handkerchief across his eyes, “why should I not endeavour at least to seek relief from the activity of my own mind, and, if possible, avert this baneful apathy, an evil hardly less pernicious than ungovernable passion?” The advice which the friar had given him, and earnestly and solemnly repeated, against worldly pride and prejudice, had made a deep impression on his mind. “Vain world,” cried he, “what indeed art thou and all thy charms, when compared with the only earthly happiness worth seeking—the union of two hearts mutually blessing each other?—I have too long delayed this search, too long trifled with feelings I can never obliterate.” To all ideas of happiness, the image of Miss Melville had, since first Belmour saw her, been constantly united in his imagination, and no obstacle now seemed to oppose his researches after her; as the marriage of Lady Clementina had relieved him from the painful dilemma, either of counteracting his dying father’s last request, or uniting himself to a woman, for whom, with all her charms, he felt only indifference. Full of the determination of satisfying his mind as to Miss Melville, Belmour gave notice, that he should shortly set out for London ; where, indeed, it might naturally be supposed, after so long an absence, and the circumstances under which he left England, that he had business. ✦ 119 ✦ Determined as he was in his intentions, the means of discovering Miss Melville’s retreat were not easy: he turned a thousand projects in his head, which were dismissed almost as soon as formed.—From the rector nothing was to be learned; he, Belmour found, had not heard from Dr. Stanmore (the only source of intelligence) since Miss Melville’s departure; and Belmour was moreover cautious in his inquiries of him, as fools are ever curious, and he wished to avoid the suspicion of any particular interest on the subject. Belmour, though anxious to get to town, on his arrival there found himself no nearer any intelligence on the subject of Miss Melville than before. Dr. Stanmore he considered as his...