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chapter five Life with HIV and AIDS HIV triggers a transformation of the self that may lead to activism. The transformation, however, is frequently painful and slow, and activism is not its immediate outcome. Fear, shame, illness, and depression usually come before.This change and the stories that we are about to read come about in large part because of the advances in the medical treatments. Even as recently as 1990, these stories would not have been feasible.The medical treatments, commonly known as HAART (highly active antiretroviral therapy), along with the services of AIDS organizations, have prolonged the life expectancy and improved the quality of life of those living with HIV and AIDS so that we can learn about their stories. In this chapter I focus on the experiences of those compañeros who live with HIV or AIDS. I make the distinction because, although all of the activists in this group have HIV, less than a half of them have been diagnosed with AIDS. These activists have a vested interest in the progression of the AIDS movement. HIV and AIDS pushed them into activism to fight for their lives. All of them initially got involved in the AIDS movement because of their own encounter with HIV and AIDS. Andres, who is fifty-three years old and has been HIV positive since 1985, says that AIDS is to gay men what the Holocaust is for Jewish people.“We have so many martyrs. Many had to sacrifice their lives for others to survive.” For many gay men, Andres explains, AIDS has meant not only illness but also a loss of personal talents and friendships. HIV and AIDS have been yet another force to contend with. Gay men and transgender persons are locked in a struggle to live and be themselves. But they refuse to see themselves as victims. Paradoxically, they seem to have so much life running through their veins—the same veins through which the constant threats of suffering and dying run.As seen in this chapter, they continue to fight, while the frequent visits to doctors, regular blood tests, and daily medications remind them of their mortality and the shame they must face in having a condition for which some people have no compassion but only condemnation. Fallo Positivo “Fallo positivo” denotes getting a positive HIV test result. “EL Fallo Positivo ”is also the title of a famous song by the Spanish group Mecano (1991). This was the first song to introduce the idea of HIV as a personal tragedy into the young Spanish-speaking popular culture. Gregorio grew up in southern Mexico and is thirty-six years old. In the following excerpt, he echoes a conclusion shared by many researchers and public health professionals across the United States: Latino and African American gay men come to know they have HIV, and sometimes AIDS, only when their health is already weakened (CDC 2006; Brooks et al. 2003; Needle et al. 2003; MacKellar et al. 2005).They learn they have been infected by HIV only after the virus has caused significant damage to their immune system. This is the case among most of these activists. Most of them got the devastating news after falling ill. In ’96, I turned HIV positive. It was in a situation that even these days is very common. It’s typical among minorities not to be tested regularly. People get infected and live without knowing it for many years. So it gets to the point that when we realize it, it’s under already difficult conditions. Gregorio learned he had AIDS only after entering the emergency room at a public hospital: It was wintertime and I came down with a cold. A cold that wouldn’t go away. It got so bad that I eventually started having breathing problems. I asked my roommate to take me to the hospital. This marked a change in my life. I recall they told him, “We’ll give him medical attention.” I recall being put on a stretcher and taken to a surgery room. I recall seeing a light. I was like dead, I lost consciousness. I woke up three or four days later. I had all sorts of equipment around my body. I had a tube going through my nose that even left a mark in my nose. I saw two of my best friends standing beside me, I cried. At the same time, it was comforting to see them. It was a difficult situation. The doctor...

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