Editor's Note: Black and Polyamorous

The dominant culture (cisgender, white, male, middle class, Christian, monogamous, etc.) has created a hegemonic model and philosophy for intimate and/or romantic relationships in U.S society. Monogamy is that model. A definition of monogamy is being in a relationship or married with one person at a time. Some definitions, explicitly identify a dynamic between a man and a woman. As a result of the internet and the rapid exchange of information, there is an exposure to alternative relational dynamics. Polyamory is an alternative.

The translation of polyamory is poly is Greek for "many" (or "multiple") and "amor" is Latin for "love." One can define polyamory [poly] as the possibility of having multiple concurrent partnerships that are romantic or platonic with everyone's consent and awareness. There is not an assignment of gender, sexual orientation, or goal to escalate relationships to marriage. The poly relationship's configuration, goals, and duration are determined by the individuals within the relationship versus dominant social norms. The difficulties with transitioning from a monogamy to polyamory is that there are very few studies, books, or social structures (e.g., media, television shows, fairytales, church, families, movies, etc.) devoted to polyamory.

The concept of polyamory and the possibility of a myriad of relational configurations is slowly becoming an option that many are choosing. In the article, Updated Estimate of Number of Nonmonogamous People in the US, Sheff (2019) states that approximately 21% of people in the U.S. have participated in a form of consensual nonmonogamy (i.e. swinging, polyamory, open marriage/relationship, etc.). Furthermore, within the study, Sheff (2019) reports that there is very little variation across demographics including race.

Polyamory and Black Partnership: A New Relational Dynamic

As a sex therapist, my private practice consists predominantly of clients in polyamorous relationships. I have found that the shared racial and cultural backgrounds are invaluable when navigating the transition from monogamous to polyamorous relationships. A sense of solidarity, common experiences, and shared history create comfort, reliability, and security within Black relationships. Individuals need security and familiarity as they gain the knowledge and develop the relational skills that are necessary to thrive within poly relationships. Communication, negotiation, and boundary development are some of the relational skills that strengthen and secure the connections.

Navigating the space of a dyadic relationship lends itself to the comfort of "it's you and me against the world." The comfort of the unspoken "I see you" is a strength of intraracial relationships. Regardless of the relationship structure, the need for belonging and significance to another does not change.

For the Black community, there are cultural, historical, and political ties that bind the community together that are unique to the Black experience. In the past, and sometimes in the present, Black people congregating and connecting with others in public has been illegal. The dominant culture (white, cisgender male, middle class, heterosexual, conservative, Christian) uses isolation and alienation as weapons to negatively skew relational ties. Polyamory is about building relationships and connections. To build relationships and connections, there needs to be likeminded people that share the same intentions within relationships. In my experience, I have found kinship (i.e. intentional family) and solidarity (i.e. "We are in this together.") are inherent attributes of Black polyamorous communities. These same attributes create an opportunity for those who are questioning, curious, or experienced with polyamory to find help, guidance, and support from community members who look like them or possibly identify with the culture or experiences of Black history or culture.

Black and Polyamorous Community

The underrepresentation and invisibility of the Black polyamorist in the media, dearth of popular social networks in the poly community; and absence of large scale polyamorous events offer the impression that there are very few Black people who are poly. This was the experience of Ron Young a few decades ago. In various podcasts and interviews, Mr. Young discusses the challenges of being the only black person or one of a few at poly social and online spaces. As a result, Ron founded Black and Poly™. Black and Poly™ is one of the...