The Ethan I Was Before by Ali Standish (review)

Twelve-year-old Ethan is haunted by a tragedy that he’s struggling to come to terms with: following a dare issued by Ethan, his best friend, Kacey, had a fall that has placed her in a coma, and he is convinced that if he can just see her, he can wake her up. Her father, however, blames Ethan and won’t allow him to visit her, which is why Ethan keeps running away and trying to make it to her on his own. Now, living with his grandfather in North Carolina after the family decided a change of scene would help Ethan, he begins to forge a relationship with his grandfather, and he has a new friend, Coralee, who tells good stories and is always up for an adventure. Just as things start to acquire a livable rhythm, Ethan is unsettled by some revelations about Coralee and the decision to end Kacey’s life support; his emotional turmoil is echoed in a vicious storm during which he must make a life and death decision. This meaty offering walks readers through issues of guilt, grief, and forgiveness as it confronts the need to move forward after loss as well as the need to carefully tend relationships. Secondary characters and their backstories echo Ethan’s loss through multiple versions, giving him a vision of what his future will be like based on choices he makes now. While these comparisons are clearly made, they are folded smoothly into the plot, striking a deft balance between storytelling and accessible reflection for the middle-school reader.