Courtesy

1. 1. Polite behavior.

2. 2. Consent or agreement in spite of fact; indulgence.

3. 3. Willingness or generosity in providing something needed.

4. 4. An archaic spelling of “curtsy.”

1

Before a bout, whether it’s in practice or a tournament, fencers salute each other and the referee. In the traditional salute, you stand straight, mask off, feet perpendicular, you raise your sword high in front of you, then bring it to your face and hold it there, almost kissing it. Finally, you sweep your blade to the ground with a flourish. In practice, the fencer raises his sword to his head then tips it toward his opponent and the referee. This is usually accompanied by a nod. Most fencers, but not all, look you in the eye while doing so. It is a gesture of respect, a “curtsy.” It is done despite the fact that immediately after this gesture of courtesy each fencer will do everything in his or her power to stab that same opponent. Some will try to cheat. Others will argue calls with the referee, even when they know they’re not right. During a bout, I’ve had fencers scream obscenities in my face. I’ve been elbowed, kicked, punched, and bowled over. And in some cases, I’ve done the same to my opponent. After the bout, fencers are required to return to their en garde lines, remove their masks, and salute as they did at the beginning. They are then required to shake hands with their ungloved hand. If a fencer doesn’t do this, he can be black carded and removed from the tournament, all record of his victories and defeats erased. At the world championships, I once saw a heated match between the Austrian Joachim Wendt and the Italian reigning Olympic champion, Stefano Cerioni. Cerioni won the bout, and Wendt calmly walked up to him and offered him his gloved hand to shake. Cerioni went ballistic. The entire Italian team stormed from the stands and tried to jump Wendt. The referees eventually calmed things down, but hours after, I still saw Cerioni giving Wendt the evil eye as he sliced his hand across his throat.

2

The word “courtesy” comes from the Old French courteis and refers to genteel politeness and courtly manners, particularly in the code of courtly love. Many such courtesy books were written in order to explain the proper behavior of the courtly lover, who should, in the ideal situation, court someone else’s wife. We are told that the lady involved should be of a much higher station than the lover:

that she should be located at a distance, that the lover should tremble in her presence, and that he should obey her slightest wish. He should, moreover, fall sick with love, faint when he sees a lock of the lady’s hair, preserve his chastity, and perform great exploits to attract the attention of the lady … he should spend all his wealth, employ outrageous flattery, engage in blatant hypocrisy about what he wants, and convince the lady that she can accumulate great wealth and a kind of eternal youth by granting her favors.¹

In this sense, the “courteous” words of the lover allow him access to the walled garden of his desire. Once the lover gains access to that garden, it is over. No more courtesy. No mention of getting to know the lover on a personal level or of having a real relationship. One of the most popular of these books was Roman de la Rose, written by Guillaume de Lorris in 1237. It was the most widely read book in France for three centuries. Translated into many languages, it also took hold elsewhere in Europe, particularly England, where it clearly influenced Chaucer.

3

Courtesy, or polite behavior, is not always tied to genuine behavior. In fact, the goal is often the opposite, to appear polite in order to get what you want. It’s all about appearances. The samurai understood this. Why else would they include it as one of the eight requirements of Bushido? If you live your life on the edge of violence, if rationality can fracture...