The Natasha Plays

These translations of The Natasha Plays: Natasha's Dream and I Won were originally produced by the MFA Program in Theatre Arts at Towson University in collaboration with the Center for International Theatre Development, with the following cast:

Natasha Banina (Natasha's Dream).....................Julia M. Smith

Natasha Vernikova (I Won)...............................Sarah Lloyd

The productions were directed by Stephen Nunns.

Natasha's Dream

Character:

Natasha—16 years old. Dressed in an athletic costume. Her hands are squeezed into fists. She often glances around her. She's missing one front tooth.

Natasha

See, that's all a bunch of crap that they're saying. None of that shit happened. Huh? You wanna hear what did? Anything else you want? Maybe you wanna quick fuck while we're waitin'? I'm not cussing. Those are regular words. (Silent. Looks straight ahead. Quiet suddenly.) All right. It happened . . . Huh? I'm not mumbling. I'm telling you normal (talks a little louder). It happened last year. September. We just got back from camp. I was even kinda happy that we were back. Because there was nothing but mosquitoes out at that camp and they put Cross-eyed Tanya in my room. So all night long I saw nothing but mosquitoes and her ass, and that's the last thing I wanted to see. The only funky thing that happened was when Vitya pantsed Alex and we all keeled over laughing. I felt a little bad for Alex—he probably didn't think it was so funny. Anyway. They said, pack up your things we're going home and when we were packed, I lifted Tanya's studded hair clip. What's a fat slob like her need with a hair clip? Then we got in the bus and I was kinda bummed out because I realized I can't even wear the thing. Tanya would sniff that out right away. I decided if I ever got a boyfriend I'd wear the hair clip on our dates. But until I get a boyfriend I'll just let it hang. But, man, it was like I knew something was going to happen! I mean, there was this guy. I'm not some scarecrow or something, but usually we just hung out at keggers. We even kissed a time or two. His breath stunk like potatoes all the time—I never realized how disgusting that is. I was kissing him at a dance once, we're kissing, and then I think—what if I stink like potatoes now but I just can't tell? Even if I didn't used to stink like potatoes I sure will now. So I ran into the bathroom and I stood there washing my mouth out with soap forever. Then a bunch of the girls dragged me into one of the stalls to light up and I went with them. Sveta's inhaling beer and she opens the window and says, "You chicken to jump?" I say, "You stupid twit, are you crazy? Where you gonna jump to? It's the third floor." Sveta's all huffy and says, "I know you won't jump." And I say, "Who says I won't?" Man, she's telling me I won't jump! I say, "What makes you think I won't jump?" So she's going—"Jump! Jump!" And I say, "Hey pillow-tits, is your head screwed on wrong?" And she quick goes and opens the window wider. No, I mean, naturally, right then I got scared some but there was no going back then—I couldn't flake out in front of Sveta! So I give her this look like, you fucking cow, and down I went. I don't remember what happened after that. But as I was flying I really started shittin' it 'cause I figured this was it. And I made a wish: I want real love. I want a bridal veil and chocolate candies. And I want all the girls following us in a line and I want 'em all dying of envy. Only that's not the main thing. The main...