Debatable Questions

        Dear Mr. Lee, it's true you told us,when the School Year began, to call you Dinny      and we do—in class. But now's the first time        we've sent you an actual letter,and with the School Year practically over,      we feel peculiar about calling you        "Dinny" instead of "Mr. Lee" inour salutation, which Miss Husband tells us      is how a formal letter should begin,        complemented at the other endby a valediction (we'll deal with that part      whenever we get there). Actually        only half of our class (just the boys)is (are) writing this letter: in a course like      Social Studies, the girls seemed to find it        easier to ask (Daddy?) "Dinny"questions than "Mr. Lee." Have you noticed that?      Boys prefer asking questions with no girls        present at all: the kind of questionsboys want answered in your Social Studies class      would be asked a lot more effortlessly        once it was understood they would beraised exclusively in what might be known as      the Company of Men. For example:        How much is owed to Society,how much to Self-Respect, and how much to what      our mothers (not our fathers!) have taught us        about flushed or unflushed urinals?How social an activity is flushing?      Arthur Englander claims (he would, of course)        that leaving his pee in urinalsis a demonstration of selfhood, a kind      of creative presence (not his words).        He has a point of view, except that viewing it would be the least of our problems,      Arthur probably feels that if you flush          yourself away, you might not exist...In museums, in railway-stations, and in      movie-theaters nowadays, it's all          automatic: you just step back, andboom! or maybe whoosh! after which who could      begin to recognize the contempt some men        have for themselves and for all of us?It's not as if there was a choice—pulling      one lever or another, like voting—          it's all or nothing now, or justnothing. Because our manners are made for us      by machines, they are not really manners          any more... Manners must be man-made...Flushing! the word itself is a clue: after all,      we can flush with our faces as well as        with our toilets (some people don't flushat all—like dogs!—and others can't seem to stop:      they're not flushing, they're flush!), and by the way,          Duncan Chu says there's a suburb ofNew York City called Flushing Meadows: just think,      a whole field doing nothing but flushing,          and people actually live there!You know, Mr. Lee, now that we've written you      most of our letter on Hamlet's problem:          "To Flush or not To Flush" (just kidding),it seems a lot less weird to talk about it      than we first thought—could the girls in our class        have something to contribute? Maybenext week we could all learn together, though some      (boys) believe that a Standing Posture has          to have a lot (everything) to dowith attitude, especially on voiding      occasions. Looking forward, therefore, to          next week's classes,                (signed)                    Yours Faithfully,Kenneth & Jonathan Klein, David McConnehey,      Michael Hopkinson, Duncan Chu, David          Stashower. Please Note: Arthur Englander would not sign this letter, but refused      to let us delete his name occurring          therein.              Apologies.