Gender Differences in the Involvement of Young People in the Matchmaking Process in an Extreme Ultra-Orthodox Community

Introduction

Many researchers see the process of choosing a spouse, in any society, as involving trade-off between economic and personal assets in the marriage market. In this view, an individual chooses a spouse who will bring the greatest economic and emotional gains during marriage.² Accordingly, an individual's value in the marriage market is reflected by the range of "goods" and "services" he or she can contribute to his or her intended spouse and future family.³

Nevertheless, there are many differences in the process of finding a spouse in various societies and cultures,⁴ which affect the kind of "trading" that takes place, and the criteria considered significant in the "marriage market." The literature distinguishes two major types of marriage in this respect: the "traditional marriage" or "marriage of convenience," which is based on the social expectations of the couple's families, most often their parents; and "modern marriage," which is based on the personal relationship between the young people involved. While the factors influencing the choice of spouse in traditional marriage are mainly the families' social and economic statuses, without much consideration for more personal, emotional factors, the choice of a spouse in modern marriage is based mainly on mutual affection between the young people, as well as their interpersonal compatibility.⁵

In medieval Europe, marriages were arranged traditionally, by families, with socioeconomic status the uppermost criterion in evaluating the appropriateness of a prospective match. In North America, from the early days of European settlement, the process became less formal and was less dominated by the parents of the couple, as living in small communities created opportunities for young men and women to meet at local stores, churches, and neighborhood visits.⁶ Over time, however, this process returned to being formal, even in the United States, and from the nineteenth to the mid-twentieth century, personal initiative on the part of young women in choosing their spouses was strictly limited by their families.⁷

In traditional Jewish society, as in traditional non-Jewish society, "traditional marriages" were the norm. In addition to family lineage and the social and economic statuses of the families of the intended couple,⁸ traditional Jewish society ascribed great weight to the degree to which the young people kept Jewish traditions and religious practices, the closeness of the families to a rabbinical figure well-known for piety and mastery of religious texts, and the young man's own mastery of religious texts.⁹

Traditional Jewish culture continues to place great weight on finding a mate and creating a stable family unit, and decisions about mate selection are very often driven by religious dictum.¹⁰ However, a modern outlook, secularization, and the idea of equality between the sexes have begun to infiltrate Jewish society throughout the world, leading to changes in the process of choosing a spouse. Thus, modern marriage has become more common in contemporary Jewish society and traditional marriage has remained prevalent mainly in ultra-Orthodox society.¹¹

According to the works of scholars like Menachem Friedman,¹² Ester R. Goshen-Gottstein,¹³ and Samuel Heilman,¹⁴ marriage in ultra-Orthodox society is considered first and foremost a business arrangement between the two sides, that is, between the parents of the intended couple. The element of trade-off in the choice of a spouse, which is also present to some extent in society at large, is of major importance in ultra-Orthodox society. The process of choosing a partner for one's child is considered a matter of the great weight in this society, and so it is not left to chance or to the young people's feelings of love or desire, but takes place in a considered, logical manner. Therefore the criteria for this choice are mostly "objective" ones, involving family background, great ability in Torah study, and economic status. The parents are in charge here, with the mediation of a matchmaker,¹⁵ and many researchers believe that young people's preferences play little, if any, part in the process.¹⁶

Moreover, the ultra-Orthodox...