Not Me

When I was first introduced to Ardine Nelson’s collaborative Women in Art project, I originally thought I would design my portrait to exemplify my artistic style. After a while I thought about the importance and impact of being a woman and an artist. I felt that the portrait should show qualities of being a female. With that in mind, once I obtained the large print of my portrait, I began brainstorming how best to portray both. I hit a mindblock while staring at the beautiful print. Something about its grandiose scale and incredible detail made it difficult to add anything on top that would obscure viewing the print’s details. Handcuffed by this, my smiling portrait hung on my wall untouched.

About two months later I had a serious fight with my significant other. With tears and angry feelings raging inside me, I came home and saw the still-unmarked portrait. The image of my happy smiling self enraged me—the portrait mocked me, as it was no longer me at all. Bitterness and a detached feeling made me rip the portrait into pieces. I deliberately made sure to physically separate each part of myself, as if by separating the building blocks, I could reset who I was and what I was feeling.

With the portrait in pieces the impossible barrier I felt lifted. I began moving the pieces around, constructing a new image by testing combinations based on shapes, lines, and gradients. This method felt much more natural to me as an artist. As a person it resonated with my belief that people are constantly changing and being reconstructed.

Going along with this, I assembled the image and placed it upon and between magenta transparent sheets. The delicate but supportive structure helps hold the pieces together without obscuring the detail of the photo strips behind it. The final image, Not Me, speaks of what once was and what now is, with whispers of femininity and impermanence.

Figure 1.

Not Me, by Belinda Tran.