Tehran Memoirs and Diaries: Winter 1979 and Summer 1997

The following piece is a personal reflection, originally composed with no clear analytical or literary considerations in mind. Professionally trained in history, I am, however, also interested in literature and aware of the complex relations between the two fields. But my experiments with the kind of writing presented here have been mostly unconcerned with academic discipline. In a sense, they have been therapeutic or self-analytical. If I thought of an audience, it remained largely illusive and undetermined.

Having filled several notebooks and computer files with my "non-academic" writings over the years, I began to think that some of these might be of interest to others since they contained historical narratives and information, as well as concrete glimpses into an individual life. I read a few examples to my students and friends who encouraged me to publish them.

The "essay" that follows consists of two distinct parts, written at different times, in different languages, and with different intentions. The first section is taken from memoirs I wrote in English in the early 1990s, trying to remember and reflect on a crucial period of my life. The events described had occurred slightly over a decade before and had consequently led to my becoming an exile in the United States. At the time of writing these lines, Iran was an inaccessible world to me, existing only in memories. I did not know when and in what circumstances I might return there in reality, or if I could ever do so.

More specifically, I wanted to capture a sense of what it had meant to participate in a rare historic event, the 1978-79 revolution that changed the course of Iranian history and the lives of millions of people, including mine. However, this "testimony" is that of one individual and I speak only for myself. Clearly, the moments depicted are the "dramatic" ones that stood out more vividly in my mind. I have tried to describe them as accurately as possible without claiming total recall or objectivity. As in any narrative, a lot is left out in each reconstructed episode, but I have not made up anything, at least not consciously. Only personal names and minor details are changed and some explanatory notes are added to clarify the historical context.

The second part is a translation from the pages of a diary I kept in Persian when finally returning to Iran in 1997 after 18 years. Intermittently, I had written both memoirs and diaries during the 1990s, but this particular one was different. I was consciously recording another turning point in my life, not knowing exactly how to structure my encounter with a powerful experience. Therefore this segment is even more direct, personal and, perhaps, self-indulgent. The language used was Persian, in which I am more "private" and less likely to publish an "autobiographical" narrative.¹ What made me consider translating and publishing these selections was their apparent immediacy in conveying a sojourner's experience, as well as the way they connected to my "exilic" memoirs. Many passages in the diary showed a pattern of going over the physical and emotional grounds previously covered in the memoirs of my last stay in Iran during the revolution. The two pieces somehow fit together and I decided they could be complementary as an essay in English. Again, I have made only minor changes to make the English translation read more smoothly.

Winter 1979 (Memoirs Written in English in the Early-1990s)

I arrived at Tehran's Mehrabad airport late one night in December 1978. My father had waited long hours for the delayed flight. I cannot recall our exact conversation, but I remember the exhilaration of having a deep common yearning realized. He had passed on to me the political idealism of his youth, along with the frustration of having witnessed its defeat.² And now the utopian dream had reappeared in a mesmerizing outburst: In less than a year Iran had suddenly come to the brink of a popular revolution. Thousands upon thousands were taking to the streets demanding all kinds of changes and calling for the Shah's downfall...