When You're A Kid, Everybody Wants Something

FICTION When You're A Kid, Everybody Wants Something_________________________ Christina Adams WHEN YOU'RE AKID, it's like everybody wants something from you. Your mom wants you to wear a dress, your dad wants you to pass math and your grandpa wants to put his hands down your pants. Even the ticks and chiggers won't leave you alone. Every night it's the same. Get off the bus, play kickball with the boys, check yourself for ticks and decide to eat dinner or not. Your mom always cuts up vegetables and puts them in the food, but the green things are too hard to pick out. She told you, if you want something different, make it yourself. You could make peanut butter sandwiches when you were five, and three years later that's all you eat. Some days Grandpa just watches television, which he turns up too loud. He's nice then and tells you how during the war he and his two brothers would catch fish like the natives. Only thing is, when he's drinking he tells you how once they ate a fish raw and how his brother Mel chewed the eyeballs with his teeth. Even then it's not too bad because you can sit in the corner and listen and he stays in his big chair with the tape stuck on the arms. You can watch televisionthen, and he still talksbut doesn'tmakeyou sitonhis lap. After school there's still time for kickball in the lot down by Hershels'. By early September the weeds are thick and dry against your legs, but the chiggers are thinning out, so that's a plus. The boys are your friends, but the other night Conroy said he wanted to break every bone in your crotch, so you got a different kind of feeling and didn't stay until dark like usual. You go into the laundry room after school. There is a special place in there. It is in the corner where you can wedge yourself between the wall and the dryer, and if you turn it on it gets really warm and feels so good with the hum and the tight fit. Then it's time for dinner, but there are the green things so you make a peanutbutter sandwich. There is a movie on television tonightbut it's for them, too old for you and they don't want you to watch it. So you leave. Grandpa catches you on the way to your room. He is out on the front porch, but he sees you through the window and it's too late. He 67 jerks his head at you to come out. He is wearing his old uniform jacket, which you only see at Christmas, when he stays drunk for maybe five days but everyone laughs and ignores him in the corner. Comehere,he tellsyou. You've alreadycome outontheporch,butyou step closer. Hi, Grandpa, you say. Don't you want to watch the movie? He doesn't listen about the movie. Sit down, he says. He is on the porch swing but it's not moving. You sit on the swing next to him. The swing is nice but the wood is hard, so when you sit on it you remember that it always looks nicer than it is. Did I ever tell you you're my favorite granddaughter, he says. He hasn't ever said this but you tell him yes. You are, he says. The goddamn number-one granddaughter I've got. Best goddamn girl a man could want. You get a feeling in your stomach because he always cusses more when he starts up. That's okay, Grandpa, you don't have to tell me that, you say, and try to stand up. But he catches you by the wrist and kisses you on the cheek. It is a big wet kiss, with lips that feel long and twisty, but he does this sometimes so you always go and wash it off when you can get away. No, I mean it, he says. Come here and sit on Grandpa's lap, he says. No, Grandpa, I'm too big now...