Dispersal, Not Disposal

Dispersal, Not Disposal (to be read to a background of "Amercia the Beautiful" hummed by the audience) My fellow Americans, I come to you today with a heavy heart, a stretched glad bag, and a sixty gallon drum of burnt offerings Yes, an insidious force has taken a-holt of our nationa hippie plot to prohibit us from doing what every red-blooded American has the constitutionally guaranteed right to do: Dump their trash wherever they damn well please for free! Dangit, this ain't Russia, and no S.O.B. is gonna make me Pay to get shed of worthless garbage! Now I ask each of you to look into your garbage cans. Deep down inside don't you want to smash whiskey bottles against concrete achievements? -fill the void with the awful artifacts of your existence? -send a glut of wasted milk jugs floating on their merry way to their new home in the soft sand of the Mississippi Delta? -bequeath a payload to a future generation of archaeologists? -make your mark on the world? Verily I say unto you give us your tired refrigerators, your burned out ovens, your zagging tvs; give us your sagging couches, your used tea bags, your spent pampers; give us your rusted bed springs and your gritty bathtub rings. Save the sanitary landfills for sanitary napkins . . . The forces of evil are aligned against us! Please, act now, join usThe Society for the Preservation of Historical Populist RepositoriesIn thwarting this heinous communist plot. Remember, the illegal dump you save May be your own! -Bob Henry Baber 7 ...