In lieu of an abstract, here is a brief excerpt of the content:

3- " O h , S t e a l M e A w a y f r o m M y D e a t h . . . " I was very distant from m y father, s o for me his death was not the death of a loved one, but death as such. And I saw that spectacle for the first time. I don't understand it, and I didn't understand it even when I witnessed th e whole process, but a t moments th e sense of obliteration reache s such intensity, such clarity, that it overwhelms all other feelings. Parnok wrote this to Gurevich a t the beginning of January 191 3 after sh e had received a letter from Lyubo v Yakovlevna that "mad e a ver y stron g impression " o n her . Gurevic h ha d onc e agai n ex pressed he r fait h i n Parnok' s poetr y an d ha d aske d wh y sh e ha d decided to leave Petersburg an d the career she had finally begun t o make fo r hersel f there . Parnok replie d tha t sh e had becom e awar e of a profoun d chang e i n herself . Almos t withou t he r noticin g it , her "consciousnes s ha d bee n reborn, " an d everythin g tha t ha d seemed necessar y t o he r befor e ha d no w becom e unnecessary . Sh e linked the change to her father's death , which had made her realize that sh e lacke d a vocation . Sh e realize d tha t literatur e ha d bee n merely a n occupation whic h sh e preferred t o others and had take n up becaus e othe r career s wer e les s appealing . He r feelin g tha t al l 89 90 "OH , STEA L ME AWAY FRO M M Y DEAT H . . . " occupations were superfluous ha d a deleterious effect o n her work . In going to Petersburg she had thought, wrongly, that what wasn' t coming from inside coul d b e summone d b y externa l stimuli . He r decision t o retur n t o Mosco w therefor e seeme d t o he r "a n ac t o f the most elementary conscientiousness. " O f course , her Petersbur g friends an d well-wishers , includin g Yuli a Veisberg , di d no t agree . They told her that in leaving the capital, she was signing a warran t for he r ow n bankruptcy . Parno k realize d ver y wel l th e financial consequences o f passin g u p a journalisti c caree r i n Petersburg . "Yes, I di d sig n m y nam e t o insolvency, " sh e wrot e Gurevich , "because my pride meant more to me than my vanity." * From anothe r standpoint , though , Yako v Parnokh' s deat h wa s an unforesee n boo n t o hi s oldes t daughter . I t free d he r fro m hi s immediate presenc e an d thu s allowe d he r t o begi n th e proces s o f coming t o term s wit h he r "distant " progenitor , who m sh e ha d loved, long ago, in her nearly forgotten, "carefree " infanc y (befor e her mother' s death) , bu t wit h whom , sinc e then , sh e ha d stub bornly refused t o admit any spiritual kinship. Because she so assiduously reinforce d an d asserte d he r father' s absenc e i n he r life , i t had continue d t o b e to o painfu l a woun d withi n her . Whe n sh e went hom e t o witnes s he r father' s dying , i t fel t t o he r agai n a s if she wer e no t relate d t o him , an d no t a membe r o f hi s family , neither a loya l son , lik e he r brother , no r a dutifu l daughter , lik e her sister , bu t merel y a spectator a t a public event. Sh e denied hi s death's relevanc e t o her, claimin g it was not th e death o f a...


Additional Information

Related ISBN
MARC Record
Launched on MUSE
Open Access
Back To Top

This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Without cookies your experience may not be seamless.