5. blindfolded brahmins
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24 blindfolded brahmins a team of brahmins with impaired vision examines the royal white elephant . . . [brahmin the biologist happens to feel the trunk and passes his judgment] fuzzy-furred, red-eyed, wet-nosed, and tactile it’s not an ingrown toenail, it’s not a french poodle, it’s not a walrus it has excellent olfactory perception it has a pair of blowholes on its head this serpent knows how to slither down a snake pit how to pace up and down the eyebrows of society how to steal up on an oiled bamboo pole, how to logroll, how to spell i’m not talking about my eldest son gentlemen, what we have here is a pachyderm 25 a very, very delicate animal [brahmin the numerologist holds the tusks in his hands and delivers his assessment] these two enormous phalli are genuine godsends they are as sharp as the number 8, as silky as 8 as generously proportioned as 8 as reassuring as the number 8… 8 or killjoy 8 is the repository of sacred wisdom 8 is the lucky number for growth 8 is above karmic consequence 8 is for elected, eight is for re-elected 8 is blue cheese in the southern hemisphere 8 is fish paste in the northern hemisphere 8 is a big push, eight is perpetual peace 8 can protect you from four sorts of harm 8 can deliver you from five types of foes 26 8 can bring you all two thousand spices 8 will bless you with thirty-eight auspices 8 thousand dollars a month, fine by me [brahmin the economist bumps into the elephant’s tummy] ceteris paribus, it may be a bull, it may be a bear it may be a free rider in free trade for a free lunch this means the mean reversion may or may not be inevitable if corruption is her comparative advantage we are a pack of complementary goods to this wholesome mammal it’s full of animal spirits and antitrusts, within the limits of bounded rationality, it might or might not behave as i expected 27 shall we call it a colossal contagion, just like us, this monster has stomached so many moral hazards then again, in the long run we all are dead [brahmin the commander sniffs around the elephant’s hindquarters] if it feels like a trojan horse, if it stinks like a trojan horse if it quacks like a trojan horse, it is a trojan horse —oppose those relying on external elements, acting as stooges, holding negative views —oppose those trying to jeopardize the stability of the state and progress of the nation —oppose foreign nations interfering in internal affairs of the state —crush all internal and external destructive elements as the common enemy 28 deny, delay, deceive, disrupt, destroy uphold the national cause, get ready for a total people’s defence [the brahmin who is never there] thank you for your message, i am currently out of the office i will get back to you as soon as possible 29 蒙住雙眼的婆羅門 一班視力受損的婆羅門檢測皇室的白象…… (生物學家婆羅門碰巧觸感到象鼻,有所判斷。) 毛茸茸的、紅眼睛、濕鼻子,而且有觸覺 牠不是向肉裏生長的腳趾甲,牠不是法國捲毛 狗,牠不是海象 牠有優秀的嗅覺感知 牠的頭有一對氣孔 這條蛇知道如何滑行到蛇洞 如何在社會的眉目間走上走下 如何在塗上油的竹竿偷偷地潛行、如何滾動、如 何施咒語 我不是在談論我的長子 先生們,我們這裏的是厚皮類動物 一隻十分、十分精巧的動物 30 (命理學家婆羅門將象牙放在手中,給予評斷。) 這兩條大陽具真是天賦異稟 牠們尖銳得像數目字8,柔滑得像8 寬宏的相稱像8 使人安心的像數目字…… 8 或者掃興的人 8 是神聖智慧的寶庫 8 是增長的幸運數字 8 是大於業力的果報 8 是被揀選,8 是再被揀選 8 是南半球的藍紋乳酪 8 是北半球的魚滑 8 是大推動力,8 是永久的和平 8 可以保護你免受四種危害 8 可以從五種類型的仇敵中拯救你 8 可以帶給大家二千種香料 8 可以從三十八種幫助中祝福你 8 一個月八千塊,好極了 31 (經濟學家婆羅門恰巧踫到象的肚子。) 其他條件不變,牠可能是牛,也可能是熊 牠可能是在自由貿易中尋找免費午餐的搭便車的人 這意味著均值回歸可以或不可以避免 如果貪腐是她的比較優勢 對這頭健全的哺乳類動物,我們是一組互補品 牠充滿了動物精神和反對壟斷,在有限制的理性 界限之內,牠的行為舉止可能或可能不會如我所 預料 我們可否叫牠做異常的蔓延,就像我們一樣, 這個怪物已經承受許多的道德風險 話說回來,從長遠來看,我們所有人都死了 (婆羅門統領圍繞大象的後面嗅著) 32 如果牠感覺好像特洛伊木馬,如果牠太臭好像特洛 伊木馬 如果牠的叫聲好像特洛伊木馬,牠就是特洛伊木馬 — 反對依賴外部勢力,充當走狗,抱負面看法 的人 — 反對那些試圖危害國家民族穩定和進步的人 — 反對外國干涉國家內政 — 粉碎所有作為人民公敵的內部和外部破壞分子 拒絕、拖延、撚化、擾亂、摧毀 持守民族大義,準備全民防衛 (從不在那裏的婆羅門) 謝謝你的留言,我目前不在辦公室 我會儘快回覆你 ...