restricted access 3. anxiety attack
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16 anxiety attack just like your father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and great-great-grandfathers with your whale skeleton you will fill a museum from your first baby cry to your last breath every detail of you will be laid bare dissection of your skin color, or your sex life should give them a surprise or two why you used this oar for that meander who planted bad medicine in your path how you might look without props or specs your entire career has been dedicated to nothing, but begonias, dahlias and petunias future generations will be overwhelmed they will probably appreciate different messages inherent in the different patterns of different longyis you wore to different functions—a new longyi, or two, each day with a perfume to match how your not-so-sweet-not-so-sour smiles lifted one land and lanced another 17 researchers will no doubt nose into your diaries your pots and pants will reveal how you have been a product of contingencies, exigencies, context or karma that’s why, they will explain, like your ancestors, you were entitled to particular upcountry fragrant rice steamed in a particular manner in a particular bowl kept warm with top and bottom charcoal fire not to mention your penchant for postmodern platform flip-flops! from different premises people, long after your departure, will die arguing how your life has been history’s greatest success, or its most dismal failure 18 焦慮來襲 就像你的父親,祖父, 曾祖父和曾曾祖父 還有你的鯨魚骨 你將填滿博物館 從你第一個孩子的哭喊到你最後一口氣 你每一個細節都會被揭露 你的膚色,或者你性生活的解剖 應該會給他們一兩個驚喜 為甚麼你在河灣使用這條槳櫓 誰在你的路途種下壞主意 沒有道具或眼鏡你的樣貌如何 你一生的事業已經奉獻給 虛無,除了秋海棠、大麗菊和牽牛花 未來的後代將不勝負荷 他們可能會欣賞不同的寓意 承襲自不同的樣式 你為了不同的場合而穿的不同的筒裙— 新的一條 或兩條筒裙,每一天用香水來搭配 你不太甜美又不太酸溜的笑容 如何抬升一片土地和切割另一片土地 19 研究員毫無疑問將會探聽你的日記 你的鍋碗和褲子將揭示你一直是 偶然的、緊急的、處境的或因果報應的產物 因此,他們會解說,一如你的祖先, 你被命名為特定的內陸香米 在一個特定的碗裏以特定的方式蒸煮 用上下的炭火保持溫暖 更不用說 你喜好後現代平底人字拖鞋! 從不同的假設 你離開許久以後,人民會拼死的爭論 你的人生曾是 歷史上最偉大的成功,或者 最令人沮喪的失敗 ...