Junkyard Blues

Chapter Sixty-five

267 C Chapter Sixty-five ife is a limbo, and we’re already dead and living in this limbo but we don’t even know it yet. We don’t know that nothing we do can change anything anymore… “Are you even listening to me?” Niba was saying. “Hmm?” Jude looked up at him. “I’ve been talking,” Niba said and shook his head. He knew Niba had been telling him a story; a story which Niba thought was very funny. The only problem was that he had not heard one word of the story as he had sat there. And it was clear that Niba could see it too. “Are you alright? What’s wrong, man?” Niba looked at him and shook his head again, “I don’t know, since that day you disappeared you’ve been,” he shook his head again, “I don’t know… Are you alright?” Jude nodded but he could see that he was not fooling Niba, he could see that look in his eyes, that look that said he could see more than was visible, that look that he could no longer hold… Could Niba see it? “Are you sure, man?” Jude nodded again. Niba shrugged and took a sip of beer as if that was going to stop everything. It was already a week after that rainy night, that long rainy night that had almost not ended. That long rainy night that had never existed. Even the hotel room scene? Yes, even the hotel room scene. All that was behind him now, just history that had never happened, he told himself as he sat in the bar with Niba. It had never happened and so it was going to remain, history that had never happened. And the only way to make sure it remained so was by living his life, living his normal life again. And that was why he was here with Niba after disappearing from the sight of the world for a full week… “Where’ve you been, man?” Niba had asked him as he had entered the bar. “Around.” L 268 “Not even answering your calls?” “I needed sometime alone,” he said and tried a smile that did not come. And Niba had looked at him with that look that was more than a look, that look that could see more than he wanted. Could he tell by looking at him? Niba looked at him again, his eyes making a detailed study and seeing a lot that was there and wasn’t there. He shook his head and smiled, “You’re not alright, man,” he said. Did he know? Did he know somehow what had happened? Was it visible on his face? “Shit, you look like a man who has not been able to sleep for two years. Do you look at the mirror these days, man?” Niba shook his head again and looked at him with some concern, “What’s the problem? You haven’t even touched your beer.” Jude looked down at the still untouched beer before him. He had no appetite whatsoever and no real intentions of drinking the beer. All that had brought him into the bar was the idea of trying to act normal, to act like nothing had happened. The idea of holding the neck of the bottle and taking it up to his mouth suddenly brought a very horrible memory, a memory that came with a taste, a taste that he wanted to forget forever. “You can talk to me, man,” Niba said, “I know there’s a problem. You look bad, man, you look really bad.” And I feel bad. Did Niba somehow know just looking at him? Know what he had done in that hotel room? No, it was not possible. But… “Come on, man, I’m your friend.” Jude felt something start to stir inside, something that was now directed towards Niba as he sat there talking to him. “…If there’s a problem just let me know,” Niba was saying, he looked at Jude and asked, “She’s giving you trouble isn’t she? You don’t have to keep trying to believe she’s anything but a prostitute. A prostitute without any feelings…” “I’m fine!” Jude almost screamed and Niba would’ve taken a literal step back if he was standing. A few heads in the bar turned and looked at them. 269 Jude felt...