Stranger in his Homeland

Chapter Twenty-Seven

209 Chapter Twenty-Seven W hen Antony reached home that morning from the hospital he forced himself to apologise to Vicky for all previous conduct towards her. He ascribed it all to alcohol which he said he had mistakenly taken on each of the two occasions that he had spoken so unkindly to her. He told her that he had completely forgiven her, and also asked her to pardon him. But he was not sincere for the move was motivated less by a genuine compunction than by a fear of the consequences now possible, should she kill herself. He had a dream to have his projected novel completed and published – while he was still alive and happy and free. He should not therefore allow that dream to be interrupted by any carelessness on his part. Any apology therefore, he thought, was not too much, if it was going to prevent Vicky from doing anything that would disrupt his own plans. It was Vicky herself who sincerely believed in the “reconciliation.” And when she too apologized and begged him for pardon, saying that she had forgiven him, she meant every word of it. And for a while it looked as though they would be happy to live together once more as loving husband and wife, thanks to Eru. The day following the apology the girl Janet whom Eru said he had met in Tetseale came to visit him as he had told Antony. The same evening Eru brought her to Antony’s house and, as he always said about a girl friend, he said she was his fiancée. She was a third year student in the Faculty of Education at the National University. That same evening too Eru suggested and insisted that they all go out for a drink in a night club. Antony eventually agreed to take Vicky and go with them. And had his grievances against Vicky been lighter than they actually were, they would have completely reconciled on that occasion because Eru and Janet did everything imaginable that could arouse anxiety in lovers. They walked hand in hand in front of Vicky and 210 Linus T. Asong Antony, stopped at every pace and kissed and caressed each other. The scene tickled Vicky’s sensibilities, and she moved closer to Antony each time the other were kissing. But Antony found it hard to respond. He only moved away, his hands clasped tightly behind him. In addition, every new day only seemed to bring Antony a new cause of affliction. In the first place, Antony could never retrieve the insults he had showered so mercilessly on Vicky. And, even though neither of them mentioned them anymore, they hung in the air between them every second of their lives, and they could not forget. It was immaterial that they had apologized to each other: Vicky knew that Antony knew some hidden and bitter truths about her past life and had dared to voice them in public. Antony knew that he had told her his mind about her and was even surprised that she should take it so lightly. And this was not all. Janet and Eru came every evening to ask them to go to the night clubs to drink. But Antony did not think that he had either the stamina or the patience to stand the debilitating pace of entertainment. And these, he noticed were Vicky’s most exciting moments. On the fourth occasion when they came he told Vicky that he would not go anywhere. Vicky looked very disappointed. “Why Tony?” “It’s too much for me.” “But it’s Eru who is paying,” she pointed out. “He said he is ready to pay for the drinks for us every day.” “I have said NO. I am not going any more. Period.” That night they stayed at home with thoughts of leaving Vicky becoming most prominent once again in his mind. These were not unconnected with the outings. On the three occasions that they gone out, they had met with other young men and their wives or girl friends. And quite naturally conversations had cropped up on numerous subjects. On all these occasions he had found Vicky unbearably dull. This was not entirely new to him. During the period of their engagement he had conversed with her on several issues, but he had never found her arguments deep and impressive. He had, however, imagined that she would change when they got to living together. She would be able...