Understanding Marriage: A Hong Kong Case Study

Chapter Eight. Interdependence in Marital Relationships

Chapter Eight Interdependence in Marital Relationships The development and maintenance of the marital relationship is built on the interdependence that a couple gradually evolve through shared living. The interpersonal processes of negotiating interdependence within the marital boundaries promote the development of bonds and the development of means of coping with conHicts and differences . These experiences may confirm an interdependence of commitment in long term reciprocity for mutual benefits. Or, uncertainty may result in an interdependence with an exchange orientation, based on a quid pro quo reciprocity of equitable returns for one's contribution to the marriage. This theoretical framework has both guided the conduct of the study and been crystallized in the progress of the research. This chapter presents an overview of the conceptual foundation on which the design of the research has been based and from which the findings have been evaluated. Social relations among the Chinese are governed by expectations of interdependence. Except for the parent-child relationship, which is one of commitment regardless of the nature of their transactions, interdependence in other relationships is based on various levels of reciprocity. This includes the relationship of marriage, in which husbands and wives contribute to and receive rights and obligations in complementary exchange . A conjugal relationship becomes increasing committed with the development of emotional interdependence, as with Leung Hung (~m ) 134 Marital Interdependence and Mung Kwong ( ~7'C ), characters in a frequently retold Chinese tale illustrative of conjugal love. The Development and Maintenance of the Marital Relationship Spouses build on their marriage through sharing more and more aspects of their daily lives. In practical terms, this may be a home to return to, a life style acceptable to both, perhaps ajoint bank account and home ownership as well. Close association may lead to the development of mutual interests and the sharing of common concerns. Theirjoint network of kin, mutual friends, perhaps religious affiliations, may be steadily strengthened and extended. At a more personal level they share love, affection, sexual exchange, memories, some common values, beliefs and interests and, over time, children. In the ramifications of everyday living, mundane routines further cement family togetherness (Duck, 1988a: 89). These daily transactions in shared living contribute to the development of what Turner calls crescive bonds (1970: 80-87). He describes these as: incomplete actions in family life which are the unfinished actions, that keep members involved; examples are home decoration, vacation plans, even debts; shared experiences which contribute to the spouses constructing a common conception of reality, which increases their attachment; interlocking roles arising from a division of labour in handling daily chores, leading to increased reliance on each other; reduction of reserve which are the short cut transactions between family members which differentiate them from outsiders. All these activities create an increasing interdependency which adds to the repertoire of gratifications that each spouse can offer the other, and to the development of mutual obligations, which further strengthen the relationship. Marital Boundaries Marital boundaries and the development of bonds The gratifications and obligations which intimate partners build up over time constitute attractions which induce them to remain within the mari- Interdependence in Marital Relationships 135 tal boundary. Levinger (1965) uses the phrase 'bonds and bars' to provide a vivid guideline of what needs to be done to maintain or enrich a marriage. Bonds are the positive forces holding partners within the boundary and bars the constraint:s against leaving. From the systemic perspective, a functional marriage develops strong boundaries that allow the spouses to negotiate similar and disparate needs and interests in an atmosphere of flexible adaptability, free from intrusion and interference from other familial or extra-familial systems (Minuchin, 1979). Within the supportive environment of the spouse subsystem boundary, the couple need to achieve a balance in affection and sexual expression, distance regulation in the amount of intimacy or dependency or independency each can tolerate or allow, power balance as to who makes what decisions and how these decisions are negotiated. Negotiations over these expressive areas contribute to the development of a couple identity, to satisfaction and to their bonding. These constitute the intrinsic rewards in interpersonal relations derived from valuing each other and valuing the relationship itself. Intimate partners find being together, doing something together and sharing the same experiences intrinsically gratifYing, regardless of what they may be doing (Blau, 1964). Marriage also offers extrinsic rewards which are instrumental in achieving satisfaction in the more practical, utilitarian aspects...