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qr Su Xuelin Su Xuelin (1897–1999) was born to a late Qing bureaucrat who held the view that a virtuous woman should be uneducated. Thus, from very MIZTaWV;]PIL\WÅOP\NWZ\PMZQOP\\WJMML]KI\ML)N\MZ\PZMI\MVQVO to drown herself in a river if her wish were not granted, Su gained XMZUQ[[QWV \W I\\MVL [KPWWT ;PM ÅZ[\ MV\MZML \PM )VP_MQ 8ZW^QVKQIT First Normal School for Girls, then went on to Beijing Women’s Normal College in 1919, and concluded her formal education with three years of study at Institut Franco-Chinois de Lyon. She was called back to China by her mother and married the man that her family had arranged NWZPMZJMNWZM[PMPILIKPIVKM\WÅVQ[PPMZ[KPWWTQVO Su began her career as a creative writer, and later became a literary scholar. In her late years as a teacher in Taiwan, she published studies of Chinese literature of various periods. She was known as a staunch critic of the Communist Party and its cultural icon, Lu Xun. As an essayist, Su is adept in manipulating the casualness of the essay NWZU¹1V5a5WUMV\[WN,MRMK\QWVº\ISM[WVIXMZ[WVIT\WVM_Q\P\PM reader; she suggests that an essay should be as spontaneous as a letter to a close friend or careless doodling of one’s reading notes. The subject matter is similarly pedestrian. Through contact with two ordinary WJRMK\[ _WWT IVL XMIZ[ ;] KWV\MUXTI\M[ \_W [QOVQÅKIV\ QVKQLMV\[ WN her past. This associational technique—beginning with a moment and ending with an account through memory—represents a common structural device in xiaopin wen. 108 A Garden of One’s Own In My Moments of Dejection (Two Selections) (1929) I don’t know why, but for the past several years, whenever I’ve written to NZQMVL[IJW]\UaZMKMV\IK\Q^Q\QM[1¼^MIT_Ia[QVKT]LML\PQ[TQVM"¹1¼^MNMT\ LMRMK\MLWNTI\MI[QNITIZOMXWQ[WVW][[VISM_MZMKWQTMLIZW]VLUMº The source of this line seems to be the preface to Mr. Lu Xun’s Outcry. I enjoy quoting it because I feel that there is something extraordinarily spellbinding about dejection. Who knows where it comes from, but once it attaches itself to a person, there’s no way to shake it off. It’s like one of those large poisonous snakes in the forests of India regarded as both sacred and demonic. The scenery in the place where I now live is not bad at all. When you look through the lush forest, you can see the golden shimmering surface of the Huangpu River under the bright sun. There are WN\MV JWI\[ XI[[QVO Ja WV \PM _I\MZ \PMQZ _PQ\M [IQT[ ÆWI\QVO WV \PM glimmering water like clouds blown by the wind across a silvery stream. The sound of waves crashing on the rocks reverberates, carried by the wind through the open window. The universe is quiet, but also pulsates to the rhythm of eternal life, singing its praises. The natural scene that stretches itself in front of me is so solemn, so beautiful and lovely. But when I am dejected, this scenery becomes an expanse of grayness. I feel nothing but indifference to it. 1PI^MM`XMZQMVKML\PM[_MM\VM[[\PMJQ\\MZVM[[IVLITT\PMÆI^WZ[ WN TQNM ?PMV 1 \PQVS JIKS WV \PM TI[\ [M^MZIT aMIZ[ 1 ÅVL \PMa IZM indeed too painful to dwell on. But when my soul is being corroded by this feeling of indifference, I would rather return to those painful years, which, by contrast, invigorated my spirit. But since I do not have the courage of Akutagawa1 to kill myself, and cannot allow this feeling of indifference to continue eating away at my soul, I must think of some way to distract myself from it. Lonely by nature, I am not too interested in all the entertainment \PI\WVMÅVL[QV[WKQM\a4Q^QVOQV\PM[]J]ZJ[Q[WTI\MLNZWU\PMKQ\a1 do not have friends with whom I can associate. Apart from taking walks JaUa[MTNIUWVO\PMÅMTL[1IT[WTQSM\W[Q\I\PWUM_Q\PXMVQVPIVL jotting down on paper whatever comes to mind, or pulling down from 1 )S]\IOI_I :a] ëVW[]SM  !·! Q[ I 2IXIVM[M VW...

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