Single Sickness and Other Stories by Masuda Mizuko

Horn

82 Horn Horn: term used for hard, pointed projections growing from the heads of mammals. Also used in reference to similar growths on nonmammals. Considerable variety in structure and composition, ranging from solid to hollow to complex branched structures. Composed primarily of one of two main substances—keratin (protein found in hair, nails, beaks) or calcium (essential component of bones). Function chiefly as weapons, but in some cases develop as secondary sexual characteristics. People are mammals, I reasoned, so why shouldn't a person have horns? Why should it only be demons? Of course, we have the "horn-hiding" hood, the tsunokakushi headpiece used in traditional wedding ceremonies, but apparently it had nothing to do with horns originally. It's just a carryover from ancient times when women were supposed to keep everything—their faces, names, and personalities—hidden from sight. Two of my girlfriends were married wearing the tsunokakushi, and while they don't have sharp horns to hide, I'll admit they both have sharp tongues. They told me it took them twenty years to finally be able to stand up to their mothers-in-law. But compare that to our other friends who got married in Western wedding gowns—so far not one of them dares talk back. I wanted to know under what circumstances a person might sprout a horn, but no matter how many books I've consulted, I can't find a single word on the topic. I should explain that my own horn is not the sort of grand affair that would require an elaborate HORN ~ 83 horn-hiding hood for concealment. It's a pretty puny specimen, easily covered with a single adhesive bandage. I am already forty-five years old, so I think it is safe to say that this slow-growing horn I have sprouted is unlikely to be a secondary sexual characteristic. Some theories say that horns are like wisdom teeth, atavistic features we have inherited from our ancestors. My wisdom teeth grew in before I was twenty, and according to my dentist they were much bigger and harder than most. They made my mouth so swollen and sore I had to be injected with painkillers. But in the end all four of the stupid things became infected, abscessed, and eventually had to be extracted. My single secretly burgeoning little horn, on the other hand, may look meager and unimpressive, but compared to those wisdom teeth, it is vastly superior and far more useful. Think of horns, think of demons. Think of demons, think of magic powers! Blow, wind, blow! If I whisper those words in a soft voice, the still air will begin to stir and a faint breeze caress my cheek. While the breeze is blowing, my horn itches like crazy. If I concentrate hard and try to cook up a really strong wind, the area around my horn tingles and I suffer such a massive headache I feel like throwing up. My horn may have practical application, but it clearly needs some fine-tuning. Wind, stop! At my softly whispered command, the wind will cease. Of course, it could just be coincidence. The wind blows and stops on its own all the time. Every evening after returning home from work, I scrutinize myself in a mirror. Not in a mirror large enough to show my whole face, but in a small hand mirror which I hold up to my forehead. Everyday I look at it and everyday I say the same thing: 84 ~ Horn "If this isn't a horn, I don't know what is!" I can see that my horn is gradually getting bigger, not so much in width but definitely in length. With each incremental increase, I can't help but think there will be a corresponding rise in my magical powers. I am excited by this prospect but also scared. I went to a stationary shop and purchased a pair of drafting compasses and a clear plastic ruler. In a notebook I began recording the dimensions of my horn. After carefully positioning the sharp points of the compasses on either side of the horn and along its length, I am able to measure diameter and extension by laying the opened arms of the compasses flat against the ruler. By the end of this delicate procedure, however, I am usually dizzy from rolling my eyes upwards for so long and my...