Winning the Game and Other Stories

Arts and Trades

1 arts and trades you ruin your teeth when you’re a kid, butlaterafter you make a lot of money you find a dentist who fixes your mouth. That’s what happened with me; I implanted every tooth in my mouth, a marvel of odontological engineering. I’m full of teeth that don’t fall out or decay, but when I laugh in front of a mirror I miss my old mouth; my lips open nowinawayIdon’tlike.Inanycase,Idon’tlackforteethandIcanchamp down on women and steaks. I used to live in a lousy housing project and catch the train, squeezed in like sardines in a can. Today I live in a beautiful mansion in a gated community in the Barra, I have two cars and two drivers. I used to have one leg shorter than the other and didn’t even know it. I would go out with waitresses in luncheonettes, maids, factory workers, some of them illiterate. Money got me legs of the same length, gave me a wife from a good family, ruined but with all sorts of diplomas, gavemeamistress,withoutadiplomabutwhoknowshowtowearelegant clothes and put on a show when she crosses a ballroom. Money, that’s something I understand. I didn’t go to college either. I don’t even have high school. Or elementary school, to tell the truth. That’s been a concern of mine, the only thing moneyhasn’tsolved.Ifyou’rerichanddon’thaveadiploma,peoplethink 2 | Rubem Fonseca you’re stupid. If you’re poor and don’t have a diploma, people say you didn’t go to school, don’t have even a primary education, but you learned to read the best authors on your own, and you’re a very smart guy. That’s what they said about me when I was poor. When I became rich they began spreading it around that I was a dummy who bought books by the yard, a complete lie. I should have bought a degree as an economist as soon as I started making money. Now I can’t do that anymore, people would know, the rich are always in the spotlight. Opportunity, that’s something I understand. Then I read in the newspaper: Become a respected writer admired by your friends and neighbors, your family, your girlfriend. I will write for you the book you choose. Poetry, novels, short stories, essays, biographies. Absolute confidentiality. Send reply to Ghostwriter, Box 333 507. Rio de Janeiro. I had already seen a similar ad, by a guy offering to write masters’ and doctoral theses for goof-off unscrupulous students. That day I told my wife, “I feel like writing a book, a novel. After all, if I learned how to read on my own, I can learn how to write on my own.” “You know what you want,” she replied. The next day I said the same thing to my mistress. “I think it’s a good idea,” she answered, “being a writer is so chic.” I went to the post office and rented a box. I didn’t want to have any contact with Ghostwriter. If the book he wrote for me was good, I’d publish it and Ghostwriter would end up finding out who I was. But if it was bad, I’d toss it in the trash and the writer I was renting wouldn’t need to know my identity. Ghostwriter: I read your ad. I’m interested. I want a novel of at least two hundred pages, in the style of Machado de Assis. I’ll pay whatever’s necessary. Give me the name of your bank and your account number so I can deposit the first installment, ten percent of the total amount. I’ll pay the rest in installments of thirty percent 3 | Arts and Trades after delivery of seventy or more pages at a time. Reply to Tomás Antônio, Box 432 521. I made money in business by buying and selling things. That’s the way to get rich. Buying and selling. Making money, that’s something I understand . My driver is named Gaspar; my wife’s is named Evanildo. My cook canmakeanydish,howeversophisticated.Bypayingthreetimesasmuch I was able to lure her away from one of those society types who are still brave enough to host dinners to make the social columns. When I give a dinner I also put it in the social column. I’ve been told that’s...