Women Writing Zimbabwe

Mr Wonder

Mr Wonder Sarah Ladipo Manyika THINK IKOYI, LAGOS, OR Upper Claremont, Cape Town, and if this proves difficult try London’s Hampstead or New York’s TriBeCa. Perhaps no longer the trendiest of locales, but places with a history of being trendy – places where people like to be seen. This is Avondale, Harare, where Mr and Mrs Mutasa live not far from the shopping centre and a stone’s throw away from those chic cafés on Cork Street. It’s a two-acre property, home to three scrawny Alsatians (deliberately underfed), a maid, a driver, two teenage children, and various desirable and less desirable relatives who come and go. No. 4 Sugar Lane protected by ‘WeZapU: Africa’s No. 1 in electric fencing’, as stated on the front gate. Mr Farai Mutasa is a businessman. Years ago he sold Mercedes spare parts. Prior to that, he had dabbled in farming (tobacco mainly) but now his business is electric generators; and on the side, he deals in petrol which is why he wears a wireless headset to keep abreast (constantly) of what his stuff is selling for. He must be careful, of course, because the government has recently legislated ridiculously low prices for all commodities and those found selling above the stipulated prices are arrested. Mr Mutasa has been arrested once before and has no intention of repeating the experience. The headset makes Mr Mutasa look like someone out of Star Trek, only a more earthly version wearing Tommy Hilfiger jeans and a recently acquired gold-studded belt that says ‘Calvin Klein’ in big letters. Ari ku zvinzwa. He feels good, this man about town, and he never takes the gadget out of his ear, not even at night, which drives his wife to distraction . In truth, though, this is a minor irritant compared to what really provokes poor Mrs Mutasa to chew her nails and contemplate divorce. It is Mr Mutasa’s ‘small houses’ scattered about the city that truly make Mrs Mutasa furious. She tells herself that as long as her husband doesn’t make any of them pregnant … but the fact remains that he has these women and everyone knows. Mrs Mutasa’s only comfort lies in the 45 knowledge that she, unlike others, is unlikely to be replaced by some newer/younger wife given that she has born her husband two sons and strategically endeared herself to his relatives, notably his tetes. It is also a comfort of sorts to take advantage of his philandering by playing on his guilty conscience. Once it was an S class Mercedes, but this year, because of the size of his transgression, it’s an all-expenses trip to America with the boys. Naturally, there will be first-class tickets (Harare-London, LondonSan Francisco) to the swish executive rental apartments that Mr Mutasa is so fond of boasting about. She’s smart – this one. Her sons are not. Spoilt brats to be precise who were admitted to Prince Harry’s only because Mr Mutasa knew so-and-so who in turn knew so-and-so. Mrs Mutasa would therefore rather not have her boys with her for the summer, but their travel raises the price that her husband must pay. More importantly, their presence justifies bringing a servant who will take care of all the cleaning and cooking that Mrs Mutasa is not accustomed to doing. Mr Mutasa complains about the expense of the trip – but what can he do? Caught red-handed (in bed no less!) with his wife’s best friend. But look on the bright side of things, he says to himself, here is a summer to do as he pleases, or come to think of it, whomever he pleases. First, though, plans must be made to restrict his wife’s spending because a wife out of sight, Mr Mutasa grins to himself, is one big FRIGHT. Give her some money And she’ll do something funny. Can’t trust a woman Cos’ she … Well in any case, the point being that, though Mrs Mutasa may no longer be young and sexy, one can never be too sure with women abroad – especially those with money to spend and an axe to grind. It’s therefore rather fortunate, Mr Mutasa decides, that his wife has asked for the servant to accompany them. It means one more air-fare, but for peace of mind it seems well worth it. Mukoma Wonder, his trusted driver, will accompany his wife and...