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13. Bur-Khreber
- University Press of Mississippi
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226 13 BURKHREBER M. O. Dmitriev In a certain tsardom, in a certain land, namely in the one in which we live (for example, like here at the depot), there lived and dwelt a tsar. And this tsar issued an edict: Whoever after three years had no children—married folk that is—would be buried in the ground up to the knee. So they lived and lived some more, and they lived through those three years, and the tsar had not a child born. And he had issued the order, but he had to go to be buried up to the knee himself. He collected a bag full of things and set off. He walked high or low, far or near; soon a tale is told, but not so soon is a deed done. He walked and walked, and he met an old man. “Greetings, my good man!” “Greetings, greetings, Tsar and free man. Have you walked far, is your way far? Why, people help people, and perhaps I can in some way help you?” “But how can you help me? You see,” he said, “according to my own order, I lived for three years and there were no children. So I set out to bury myself up to my knee.” “Oh, Tsar and free man, and you don’t want to tell an old man. But I will in this something help you. You go on, and ahead there is this Kuben Lake1 . Walk up to it, and right there in that Kuben Lake there will be some fishermen fishing. You go up; they will be pulling in their haul of fish. Right at the moment of your approach, they’ll be hauling in their catch. There’ll be one perch in the catch, and it will be one-eyed. You buy that perch from them, but don’t take it for nothing. But if for some reason they won’t take money from the tsar, then you go to the village and put some money in the church. And then go home. Your wife will eat this perch—and there’ll be a child.” 1. Kuben Lake is a large lake located north of Vologda. Bur-Khreber 227 Well, the tsar was overjoyed, he ran off at the double. He went up to Kuben Lake and he had just gone up to the fishermen, and they were hauling in their catch. And in fact, in that catch was a solitary perch, and it was one-eyed. Well he said, “Fishermen, sell me that perch.” “Why, Your Royal Highness, what now? Have we never seen money? Could we take money from you?” “No, take the money. I must only take it for money.” But no way would the fishermen take any. So since they wouldn’t take any money, he went off to the village, and there he found the village elder. “Let’s go to the church.” They came to the church, he put down the money for the perch, and then went off home. He came, they cleaned the perch, cooked a fresh fish soup, his wife ate the perch—and became pregnant. The servant girl sipped the soup—and became pregnant. They ate up the soup, tossed the leftovers into the yard, a dog licked the liquid, and also became pregnant. So now then, all at once, it means, they all conceived, so to say, they all got in the family way, they all “calved.” And so they all gave birth. The tsar’s they called Ivan Tsarevich, the servant’s, Ivan the servant’s son, and the dog’s Bur-Khreber. Now Bur-Khreber, he was also a human. And so they began to grow, to grow up, and to run about and play. Bur-Khreber, as he ran about the village, about his town, whomever he yanked by the arm, the arm came off. If he brought down his arm on someone’s head, that one became a hunchbacked kid. The tsar was inundated with complaints, noise, roaring. They ordered Bur-Khreber taken in. They put him in a dungeon , and he said, “Oh, Tsar and free man, you have put me in a dungeon, but I am not angry with you. Buy me a squiffer, an accordion. When I’m bored, I can play my squiffer, and it will be happier for me.” Now then, what’s a squiffer for a tsar? It’s not worth quibbling about. He...