Overweight Sensation: The Life and Comedy of Allan Sherman

Appendix

265 In the 1950s, Allan Sherman wrote at least the twenty Jewish parodies of Broadway musicals included here. According to his autobiography, A Gift of Laughter, he wrote “How Are Things with Uncle Morris,” a parody of Finian Rainbow’s “How Are Things in Glocca Morra,” in 1953. That date likely makes it the first of his “Goldeneh Moments.” “How Are Things with Uncle Morris?” (To the tune of “How Are Things in Glocca Morra,” from Finian’s Rainbow) How are things with Uncle Morris? Does he still work in the candy store? Does he still run like he always did To get some kid Fa nickel halavah? Is Aunt Bea with Uncle Morris? Do they still live on the second floor? Do they still live in the same old flat? “Goldeneh Moments from Broadway” and Other Parody Song Lyrics 266 / Appendix Is he still fat? And does he walk around in his gatkes there [long underwear] Eating latkes there? Since I moved away to Scarsdale, And I joined a country club I lost touch with them and they lost touch with me How are things with Uncle Morris and Aunt Bea? “Tzimished” (To the tune of “Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered” from Pal Joey) This is the lyric Sherman sang in September 1957 at the Vernon Hills Country Club Little Theater in Eastchester, New York. Tzimished (befuddled), fachottered (confused, messed up), fatroshket (bewildered), and fablongett (completely lost) are good parody substitutes for bewitched, bothered, and bewildered. They convey the original’s sense of disorientation without the least hint of sexual infatuation. I’m wild again Beguiled again A whimpering tsimpering tsild again Tzimished, fachottered, and tzebulbet am I. Can’t sleep a wink I lay and think She’s wearing my mink while she’s out with Fink Tzimished, fatroshket and tziboorjet am I. I should tell her I’m leaving But I can’t—I’m afraid If I tell her, she’ll tell me To gay gezintehaid. [go in good health] I say “Dot’s all” Walk down the hall Then I turn around and say, noch a moll [again] Tzimished, fachottered and fablongett am I. Appendix / 267 “One for My Baby (and One for Two Cents Plain)” [To the tune of “One for My Baby (and One More for the Road)”] Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer’s “One for My Baby” is associated with Frank Sinatra, who recorded it in 1954 and 1958. Sherman’s parody might have been inspired by either performance. The expression “two cents plain” refers to a small glass of seltzer without any added flavoring. It’s quarter to two I’m feeling very shwach, I’ll tell you the true [faint, feeble] So set ’em up, Moe I got a couple things I want you should know Mine future looks shvartz [dark, black] In mine hearts is a terrible pain So make it one for my Sadie One for two cents plain. It’s quarter to three Don’t know what’s gonna be with Sadie and me We had such a fight The same old goddam fight we have every night When I’m in the mood Sadie tells me, “Ich hob derr in bood” [“I have you in the bath” or “Go drown”] So make it one for my Sadie One for two cents plain. Now listen, Morris I know you got your own kind tzoris [trouble] But Morris, I feel so ashame So please console me I can’t believe my Sadie told me That I should gay ahayme. [go in the ocean, i.e., jump in the lake] It’s quarter to four I know you wanna close the whole candy store But Moe, can’t you see You simply gotta have rachmonis on me [mercy] I feel so alone Sadie, please, won’t you call on the phone? Make it one for my baby And one— (Spoken) So long you making it, put a little chocolate sauce, okay? 268 / Appendix “Thunderbird” (To the tune of “Wunderbar” from Kiss Me, Kate) The Cole Porter musical, Kiss Me, Kate, opened on Broadway in 1948, and the film version appeared in 1953, but the Thunderbird from Ford did not appear until 1955. Thunderbird, Thunderbird What a fancy schmancy car Have you seen, have you heard Of the brand new Thunderbird. Thunderbird, Thunderbird Cheaper than a Jaguar I am moved, deeply stirred When I see a Thunderbird. Oh it...